Sisters-in-Service
Are you a women veteran who feels unseen and unheard? Do you struggle with finding your purpose after service? Sisters-in-Service is a podcast that gives women veterans the platform to talk about those exact issues and more. Hear from other veterans, military spouses and Veteran Service Organizations (VSO) just like you that have overcome their transition from the military. Every Tuesday this podcast encourages women veterans to stand up and be counted because as a group we have a voice. From your host - Cat Corchado - The Voice Connecting Women Veterans
Sisters-in-Service
From Diagnosis To Agency: How A Bestselling Author Reclaimed Her Body And Voice After Breast Cancer
Bad news can shove you into what Cara Lockwood calls the white room—a stunned, silent place where words blur and fear takes over. When a routine mammogram uncovered HER2-positive breast cancer, the USA Today bestselling author had to navigate the shock, decode jargon, and make life-shaping choices while her mind sprinted to worst-case scenarios. We walk through that moment and the very human steps that turned panic into agency.
Cara explains HER2-positive breast cancer in plain English, then shows how she built a trusted medical team, asked for explanations like a five-year-old, and found clarity using a simple filter: a hard yes or a hard no. From choosing a double mastectomy to weighing chemotherapy framed as an “insurance policy,” she reveals how real decisions blend data with gut, risk with peace of mind. We also get honest about partners and kids—how spouses want to fix what can’t be fixed, and how teens carry quiet worry that surfaces long after the hospital bracelets come off.
Mindset is the heartbeat of this story. Cara rejects toxic positivity and embraces strong and salty—fight songs, dark humor, and the truth that bravery is just doing it scared. She talks body image after reconstruction, the shock of numbness and scars, and the surprising confidence that comes from surviving what once felt impossible. Humor becomes more than relief; it’s power reclaimed, proof that if you can laugh at it, it can’t own you.
We close with Cara’s new book, There’s No Good Book for This, an irreverent, compassionate guide that pairs real talk with end-of-chapter pep talks, and donates half its proceeds to breast cancer research. If you’ve ever felt trapped in the white room, this conversation offers language, tools, and hope you can use today. Listen, share with someone who needs it, and if this helped you, follow the show, leave a review, and tell us your fight song.
Welcome to the Sisters in Service Podcast, the space where stories from active duty veterans, military spouses, and even military brats finally get the spotlight they deserve. I'm your host, Kat Cortado, Air Force veteran, movement specialist, and the heart behind this podcast. I started Sisters in Service because too many stories from our community were going untold. Stories of resilience, transition, identity, and the strength it takes to serve and to thrive beyond the uniform. This podcast is about connection, empowerment, and reminding each of us that our service didn't end when our military chapter closed. It simply evolved. So grab your coffee, your journal, or your walking shoes because every episode is an invitation to listen, learn, and lean into the powerful stories that remind us service is a sisterhood that never fades. Hello everyone, and welcome to our newest episode of Sisters in Service. You know me. I'm your host, Kat Cortado. And you know how you're plugging along in life and you know, you're just doing your thing. Maybe you've got your own business, maybe you're doing you're doing your life. Okay. And all of a sudden, you get this diagnosis of the C-word. Yes, I'm talking about cancer. And that's exactly what my next guest has uh gone through. She's a USA Today best-selling author with more than 35 books. Yeah, I said it, 35. I'm so happy she's on my podcast. I mean, I feel like the newbie here under her belt from romantic comedies, women's fiction, you name it. Um, she has pretty much covered it. One of her biggest hits, I do, but I don't, even became a lifetime movie starring Denise Richards. However, life handed her a twist nobody could have predicted. A stage one, her two plus, and we'll get into that because I don't even know what that means. Breast cancer diagnosis during what she thought was just a routine mammogram. So we're gonna get into that about the book she's written. She has a new book coming out. We're gonna talk about that. But let's get knee deep in the C-word. So, Kara Lockwood, thank you for being here today.
SPEAKER_02:Thank you so much for having me. I'm I'm honored to be here. I love your podcast. I think you're doing such good work for women in service. So thank you. Thank you so much.
SPEAKER_01:So before we get into the story of how this came about, please explain to not only me, but my listeners, what is stage one HER2 plus breast cancer? Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:So there are multiple kinds of breast cancer, and really they're sort of divided into how they um, you know, what they feed on and how they grow. So there are some that are not as aggressive, and there's some that are very aggressive. And um HER2 uh positive is sort of in between, like triple negatives, the most aggressive kind, uh, but the most common kind um, you know, feeds on hormones. So, like um, you know, your estrogen and and that sort of thing. Um HER2 positive is something that's fed by your immune system. So they think it's based in your immune system. So instead of crushing the cancer, it's like, oh, these cells need to be protected and should grow. And so immunotherapy and chemotherapy and radiation and surgery tend to go uh to treat those. So it's not as common, um, but uh it's still out there and still, you know, very much, you know, um a relatively um, you know, uh common form of cancer.
SPEAKER_01:Absolutely. You know, it's I myself have not had cancer, but my father had something called cardiac amyloidosis. And it's where a protein leaches from your body and it'll get either go to your brain or your heart. And once it attaches, that part of your brain or heart discontinues to work. Oh okay. And they had no treatment for it. Yeah, you know what they gave him? Um, they gave him cancer meds. Uh yeah, yeah, they didn't know to treat it. I thought my dad had cancer. Like, oh no, he doesn't have cancer. He just has this other thing. He just has our other thing. We're just throwing stuff at the wall. Yeah, we're just throwing stuff at the wall to see what sticks. The thing that stands out in my mind most importantly was he was in the hospital. We were all there, and it was time for his physical therapy. They stood him up out of bed. Now keep in mind, my father is was six foot four, about 250, 260. Okay. Yeah. They stood him on his feet, and all I could see was the back of his calf. There was nothing there. Yeah. Like the skin, just it it's and I thought, where's his calf? Yeah. That's when I started to understand that chemo and radiation eat your eat your muscle. Oh, they do.
SPEAKER_02:Yes.
SPEAKER_01:And I thought, and that's when I started looking for a certification, which I did get, but it's called the Cancer Exercise Training Institute, where I am uh I'm an instructor for helping people with cancer. Yeah. Wonderful. And I just wanted to say that, which is which fuels, and I said that to say this. This is why I'm interested in people who have come through the other side of cancer to find out their their mental capacity as far as you're plugging along in life, Kara, and all of a sudden you get this diagnosis. What was the first thought in your mind that came to mind?
SPEAKER_02:Um, complete panic, complete terror and panic. Um, you know, I grew up on those movies where you got breast cancer, you lost all your hair, um, it was horrible. It was terms of endearment, and you died. Yes. Like this is, you know, this is what happened and it was terrible. Um, so panic, complete panic. I I was 50, just it had just turned 50 years old, did not think I needed to think about my mortality in that way that soon. Like, I mean, I probably was in denial because, you know, I'm just thinking we all would be in denial at that point. Right, right, right. Because, you know, I may be paramenopausal, but I feel like I'm 30 and act like it, you know. Yeah. Um, so it was sort of like suddenly I had to deal with a, you know, something that could kill me. And that's something, um, and not just that, uh, just to treat it is sort of its own journey up Mount Everest, where you know, you're talking about treatments that make you sick, treatments that last a long time, treatments that make you feel ugly, um, you know, uh surgery that's terrifying, you know, in in every possible way. Uh I just don't like, you know, surgery in general. Some people love it, some people just sign me up to plastic surgery. No, but I'm like, people cutting on me. So when I'm sleeping too. No, thank you. So all of it was terrifying. And it was just completely overwhelming that fear that uh all of my mind went to exactly the worst case scenarios. Of course.
SPEAKER_01:That's what I mean, we would all go there, I think. Yeah, right. No one says, Oh, I got cancer. It's gonna be fine. Oh, okay. Right. Like, is it?
SPEAKER_02:Is it? Because this is terrible. Yeah. Um, and and frankly, like on the phone with a radiologist, as he, you know, told me the biopsy was actually malignant and it was cancer. Uh, I just blanked as well. Like, I mean, I heard cancer. I heard the big C word and I you stopped thinking. Yeah. I went into this like lovely white room. You're like, or excuse me a minute. I'm right over here. I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna sit over here in my big white room.
SPEAKER_00:Don't be me.
SPEAKER_02:It's nice and safe. I think there's some cookies and cream in here. It'd be great, you know. Uh, because my my husband PJ came in and we had been expecting this call. And he's like, Oh, was it a the doctor? You know, what did he say? And you know, I'm like, well, it's cancer. And and he's like, what else did he say? Was it what you know, what are what are we supposed to do? What stage is it? What do we do now? And I said, I have no idea. So we had to call the doctor back. And the doctor is like, you know, this happens all the time. People people need a second time to hear it because you know, the first time is so rattling, it just rattles. Wow.
SPEAKER_01:So then you're thinking, is that what they really said, or did they say something else? Yeah, like you're playing all this back in your head, going, No, he didn't say that, or she didn't say that.
SPEAKER_02:Exactly. And it's yeah, and there's a lot of medical jargon too. And as a lay person, you know, I was like, This is the absolute worst episode of Grey's Anatomy that ever there was.
SPEAKER_01:Like, this is terrible. I don't because they sit you down and they talk in language you can understand. Real doctors, most doctors don't do that. Don't do that.
SPEAKER_02:And I'm like, where are all the hot doctors? I just see I just see terrible medical jargon.
SPEAKER_01:No hot doctors. I don't like that. Well, you know what's it's funny because when my dad was ill and the doctors were talking up here, and I did this, and I said, Could you talk to me like I'm five? Explain this to me like I'm five years old. And he and he looked at me and he goes, Well, I don't think I can. I said, Then I don't think you should be on this case then. Yeah, yeah. And and he quickly turned it around. But you need to understand in language, because I always say I'm an ABC 123 girl, speak to me like I'm five. I don't care, but just help me understand this. Yeah. So, Kara, when you got this diagnosis and I'm thinking, and tell me if I'm right or wrong, you get this diagnosis, and the first thing you get over you get over the shock, and then you feel as though you have no control over your own body. So, what was something that you did or something that you heard, or what was it that you said at that moment, I'm actively taking back control of my body or trying to.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, you know, it's it's so true, and that's such a great insight because it's it does feel like everything's out of your control. Your body's betrayed you in the most funnel fundamental way. You know, you thought all the cells in your body agreed we were gonna live, not die. Yes, this is terrible. Um, thankfully, I had a wonderful counselor uh and therapist who I immediately called and said, Can you, you know, can you see me? Because I'm having a very uh stressful time. Yes. And the very first thing she said to me on the phone is that uh cancer doesn't get to decide. So this is the first thing to think about and the first way to sort of reset and put a different lens on what's going on because it it feels like cancer is in the driver's seat. You're you're doing all of these, you know, tests and and you know, and you're running behind the car, you're not even in the car. Exactly, exactly. And you, you know, you're just along for the ride and cancer's driving, and it's absolutely terrible. Yeah. But that was her first their first words to me, and they were so wise because it's true. You know, and that's true of cancer, it's true of any kind of traumatic, stressful thing that happens in your life. Um, it doesn't get to decide. You know, it's it's a terrible situation, but but you get to decide your treatment, how you feel about it, how you show up, you know. If you even get treatment, you know, this is a decision that's up to you know everyone. Uh so it's it's true that in these kind of tailspin moments, you feel out of control, but it's so important to realize you do have agency, you do have decisions that you can make. You still are driving the bus, it's just you got an unwanted passenger in the seat, yeah, which is get out now. Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_01:Exactly. So when you talk about, you know, it's one thing for someone to say that to you, but you have to be ready to receive it. You know what I'm saying? Yes. Like, were you ready to receive that information and put it into play, or was it a little bit of time before you kind of sat down and said, okay, I've I've thought about what she said? Cause at first it sounds like they're they're talking French, you know, you're like, right, what?
SPEAKER_00:Right.
SPEAKER_01:Um, or were you ready for that when when your therapist said that?
SPEAKER_02:Um, you know, in some ways I was ready because I was just in such a spin, you know. I I wanted desperately wanted hope that I could somehow get control of it again. Because, you know, I think like many of us, I I want to, you know, steer my own destiny. You know, I I feel like I can, I, you know, my actions matter, you know. I don't, I don't like to blame other people for everything, you know. I I like to say I'm I'm steering my ship and you know, so I was I really was um hopeful and eager for someone to tell me, like, you can get a hold of this, you know, it's it's not gonna take over. Um, it's not gonna decide everything for you. You still have some agency. But at the same time, you know, in those tailspin moments when fear takes over and fear is really choking you, you know, uh, it's hard to remember that cancer doesn't decide and cancer isn't in charge because it sure feels like it sometimes. So, so at the same time, I had to remind myself multiple times, especially when I was most afraid that you know, cancer doesn't get to decide. That, you know, I get to decide. Like I I and I don't have to be perfect, and I don't have to make perfect decisions, and I can make decisions scared and still, you know, that's that's a big part of it. It's just kind of going forth as a messy human and you know, letting yourself letting yourself decide and move forward, however, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I love how she said we we're not gonna let cancer decide. I would say I'm kicking cancer's ass. Yes, just it. Okay, that's a really nice way. And my way, I'm I'm interpreting it. Of course.
SPEAKER_02:And I, yes, and that's the and that's the the second that's so good and so interesting that you say that because also she also um told me that you know I have a choice. I can be a uh I can be a victim or I can be a survivor. And you know, I think those two choices uh face us all the time when something traumatic happens. Oh, for sure. You know, we can we can choose to feel like we have no agency and things just happen to us and we can wallow, or we can, you know, wear it like a badge of courage and just say, you know, this didn't kill me. Like I'm a tough, you know what. Yes.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:When you're in that spiral, because I'm sure it happened where you know it's this negative thought that leads into another, and you start to do this. Yeah, what brought you out of it? What what did you say to yourself or what did you do to say nope? It stops here and I'm going back up. Because I'm sure, you know, initially you're like, yeah, I'm kicking cancer table, and then and then you have these, oh my, you know, all these things happen. Yeah. And how did you bring yourself out of that?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, you know, it's interesting because um, you know, telling friends sometimes I they were very, very well-meaning, but they were like, oh, you're tough, you're gonna kick it, you got it. You're a war, you're a warrior, you know. But it's in some ways it's really dismissive because at the time, you know, I was just terrified. And I'm like, um, you know, I sometimes you just need one of your friends to just hug you.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. You know, they don't have to say a word, they just hug you and you get it. It's like message received. Thank you so much.
SPEAKER_02:Like, yeah, yeah. Because otherwise, it you do get inundated with those negative thoughts. And it's all, you know, there's so much fear in there because you know, I'm a you know, um a romance novelist, you know, who writes happily ever after. It's like I'm not a, you know, I'm not a fighter. I don't know how to fight, you know, like you know, I like to garden in my time. Please don't tell me. I just want to garden. Like I don't want to like kick some diseases ass, you know. Yeah. Well, it's also funny because I feel like it's a little unfair when it comes to cancer because other ailments like diabetes, we don't tell people you gotta like put, you know, put on your armor and go fight.
SPEAKER_01:You know what I think though? I think it's because it's so common now. Remember back in the day when people someone said they had, you know, let alone type two, type one diabetes, and you're like, oh yeah, oh my gosh, you know, right? And I I think it's more acceptable now, people and and I think it's because cancer doesn't just affect one part of your body, it can affect all parts of your body. So it's still that big bad, I don't know what you want to call it, hairy monster that you have to like, I don't know what you do in that when you get that, you know.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, and and I think it's that's why it's so scary, and that's why we're so you know inundated with the fear and and those negative thoughts that sort of spiral and take you downward. I found um for one, uh I I had to stop, I had to stop the spiral. So that that meant identifying that I was in one. So that's hard sometimes when you're in it. Um, I also had to talk about talk to myself about how these negative thoughts and these and this fear was lying to me. Like it sounds like the truth, but it's actually a lie. Like your fear is your evolutionary response to keep you from doing something silly, like yeah, you know, you know, going going going swimming in shark-infested waters. Like, you know, we don't want to do that, you know. That's that's that fear, right? Like you're gonna get eaten, so stay away from that. So your mind goes to the worst case scenario of what happens when you swim with sharks, and so you don't do it. But when it's when it comes to cancer, you know, your your mind's telling you like the worst case scenarios, but they haven't happened yet. You know, that's still it's still like uh, you know, the the jury isn't in, you know, you you haven't died, you you haven't, you know, gotten sick, you haven't lost, you know, lost all your hair, like in that early diagnosis stage, you actually feel fine. Yeah, you know, there's nothing, you know, it doesn't feel like there's anything wrong with you. So, but your mind jumps ahead and kind of types it suck you down into that whirlpool of negativity. So it takes some effort to identify it and challenge it and challenge course.
SPEAKER_01:Let's talk about your treatment. Um, because you said that that's a whole nother mountain. You've got the C-word mountain over here and the the treatment mountain over here. Yeah, and the reason I I I talk about it is because I remember when um Angelina Jolie, remember when she had a double mastectomy? Yeah, like she chose that, right? Yeah, because of what was happening in you know, her mom, her grandmother, her aunts, etc. And I remember having this conversation with my husband, and he said, Well, both? He goes, Isn't that a little aggressive? And I was like, uh-uh. Yeah, it's not aggressive. And he goes, Well, what about the good breasts? I go, look, you take these away, I will get some bigger, better ones. Right.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, exactly. And they're they're perky, they stand up on their own.
SPEAKER_01:So how did how did you decide what treatment was best for you?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I um I found a team of doctors that I trusted. So that's important. You should feel like you have a rapport with your doctors and you should keep looking till you find, till you find that doctor's place with you. Um because then you know, unfortunately, in our medical system, we really have to advocate for ourselves. Uh, you know, and sometimes sometimes the doctor they spit out is not the right doctor for you. So exactly. Yeah. But find a doctor you trust. And then I um, you know, I was gonna have to have a single massectomy anyway. And for me, deciding on the double massectomy really came down to finding my um, I think you have to find your hell no and you know, uh hell yes. Like I think, I think you have to find those, and you can't be in the middle where it's like, maybe, I mean you're saying so, okay. Yeah. For me, for me, that hard no came because I I just did not, I we I had gone through six weeks of uh MRIs and ultrasounds and needle biopsies, a very, you know, a couple of those. And you know, the the just the thought of in a year going back for another mammogram, you know, on the right side and just having that fear and that, you know, I was like, no, just you're in there already, take them both.
SPEAKER_01:Just and take them, yeah. And and give me some good ones, yeah, and then right, exactly.
SPEAKER_02:And then in the completely, I feel like more shallow part of me, it's like I I wanted to be even. I didn't want to have, you know, one yeah, I guess one gravity, yeah, one gravity-defining, you know, uh artificial one and then one real one. I was like, that's you know, I I still like to look good naked, you know.
SPEAKER_01:Right? I mean, come on. You can hold one up and the other is like hello, you know.
SPEAKER_02:Right, right. So, so for me, it just made sense. And and because I hate surgery so much, I was just like, I'd also heard stories, uh, you know, I mean, in my case, they had to do a single massectomy. And some people choose the lumbectomy because, you know, um it's less invasive, of course. And I would never second guess anybody's oh any decision.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Uh, but you know, for me, in order to do a lumbectomy, they would have to take half the breast anyway, which doesn't make any sense, you know. So just I think finding that hard, hard no, hard yes, you know, enthusiastic yes or hard no is just is the way you get to the decision because then you know you're not gonna regret it. Like I never for one second regretted it.
SPEAKER_01:Was was were any of your decisions more like a gut thing? Like it just felt like the right thing for you?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah, I would say so. I mean, some of them like the mastectomy was just very much a gut thing. Like, uh, I just don't want to go through all of this again over and over again if I don't have to. Absolutely. Um, so so that was a gut thing. When it came to the chemotherapy, which I had after the surgery, that was more uh there was a lot more um thinking about it, hemming and hawing about it. It was hard to get to the hard yes or hard no because uh the doctors really set talked about the chemotherapy like an insurance policy. Like I should get it because I had a small chance that it could come back. And now it should. Now I know. Yeah, I mean that right, right. It's just like give me some certainty, right?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, so my my tumor was was five millimeters, and if it had been six, it was sort of like absolutely you have to have chemotherapy. And if it was three, no, go on your way, you're fine. Yeah, and the doctor's like, you're really closer to six, so it's it's you really should get it. But um, but we're leaving it up to you. So that's almost the worst. You should do this, but it's your choice. It's your choice, and of course, friends and family were divided. You know, I had people that are like, Don't put that poison in your body. Yeah, I have people that were saying it's big C cancer, you throw everything at it when you've got a chance, yeah, don't let it sneak back in. It's a terrible enemy, you know.
SPEAKER_01:So um now what I've heard is that cancer drugs kill the person, they don't kill the cancer. Yeah, and so my question to you is, and I'm not sure you you'll be able to answer this, but you can answer this better than I can. Yeah, is there a holistic treatment for breast cancer?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, you know, I am not a doctor or you know, um any sort of medical professional. So I I don't know about all of the treatments out there. What I do know is that some of the holistic ones haven't been as thoroughly researched. So I think we don't go. I know, I know. So so when you're trying to figure out, you know, what works, what doesn't work, uh, the bulk of the research is about the you know traditional medicine, the traditional chemotherapies. And yeah, they have done quite a bit of breast cancer research, so they can tell you, you know, your outcome is better if you get surgery within six weeks of diagnosis, or you know, within six weeks of that determination, or getting chemo a certain amount of times, this kind of dose, this kind of chemo for this kind of cancer. Like they they do have research, you know, about it. And I think we need more research all all the way around, right? Uh, you know, because I think we should fight it, you know, any way we can.
SPEAKER_01:But unfortunately, maybe it's it's uh it's a trifecta, you know, a little bit of this, a little bit of that, a little bit of you know what I'm saying, instead of just this. Um, let's talk about your support system, let's talk about your poor husband because men always want to fix things. You know, I tell my husband, you know, he's like, Oh, I'll fix it. And I'm like, no. So I have to physic, I have to tell him, yes, I don't need you to fix it. I just need to vent or I need to bounce this off you. So how did your husband deal with the diagnosis? I mean, it it it's probably it was probably just like he couldn't do anything. So he was going through his own little, yeah, I don't know what you want to call it, by himself.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, you know, it's so hard on the spouse and the whole family, really. Yeah, you know, uh, as a patient, you you know, you feel like, well, I'm bearing the brunt of it, but it became very obvious that everyone, you know, in the family suffers because I'm the one going through the treatment, but they're the one that just have to sit and watch, like you know, and twiddle their thumbs and like and sometimes that's harder in some ways.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it's so hard. It's so hard.
SPEAKER_02:And he was so amazing because uh he he you know shared shared his feelings about it, you know, shared his his fears and you know, uh was there with me at every tr every doctor's appointment, you know, cleared his calendar, canceled his fishing trips with his buddies, you know, made me a priority, made me feel like a priority, which you know that's so I love that so wonderful. Yeah, and I think he by by doing that, he felt like he was doing something that put his let me fix it, you know, you know, gene into play because I I think sometimes uh you know, I've heard you know, some some spouses, you know, withdraw or you know, they want they're in denial, they don't, you know, they don't want to I've heard of they've left the marriage, they can't deal with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, yeah. But he was just in it with me, and I I just am so grateful for him uh for being there because you know, he couldn't fix it, but half half of what life is about is just having a witness, you know. That's why roller coasters have two seats. So they're keep telling my husband, he still won't go with me, by the way. But see, when you're going down that horrible dip, you can look over and make sure, like, is this as bad as I think it is? It is.
SPEAKER_01:I know I you're like, you're breaking my fingers, thank you.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, exactly. And then you get off and you're like, oh my gosh, that was horrible. Because honestly, in a lot of these doctors' appointments, you know, PJ went with me. Uh, and and partly he's like, I I just want to be there in case you go in the white room. You know, I'll I'll I'll listen, I'll I'll be there. And then sometimes at the end of a doctor's appointment, he was like, I went into the white room too. What did they say? I don't know what they said.
SPEAKER_01:It's like wah wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.
SPEAKER_02:And you're like, what did he say? Right. That's like you're you're in a peanuts cartoon and it's all the adult. You know, you're like, what?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I know. So after going through this double mastectomy, the chemo, the reconstruction, physical and emotional roller coaster. What's part of that journey you wish more people understood?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I think I wish more people understood that it's it is a journey, you know. I think we we tend to assume that we can't do hard things because, oh, that person's just brave. You know, you see the the survivors and you know, the Susan G. Coman walk, and you're like, you know, I salute you, hats off to you, you're so brave. I couldn't do that.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:But I think everyone can do it. You know, I I think it's about, you know, getting a hold of your fear, you know, doing the hard work on your emotions, which none of us want to do. I did so much crying on my counselor's couch and crying in the car and crying in the shower. And, you know, fighting, I just spent a lot of time, you know, bargaining and fighting and resisting, you know, all of the things until I got to acceptance and my mantra, which is there's no way but through. We're just gonna have to get through. We can get through it ugly. We don't have to be pretty doing it, but we gotta get through. Exactly. You know, I I think um like anyone, anyone can do it. So it's it's not reserved for just a certain kind of person or someone who's just brave, you know, like it's bravery is is is a choice, it's something we choose to have.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, exactly. I yeah, when people say, Oh, you're you're so like people say all the time, you're so brave going to the military. And I'm like, No, I wasn't. I just needed something different, you know. But when you when you I think, and and again, you went through this, I haven't. When you had your thought process changed, do you think that affected your body? Like you became this strong person up here, and your body goes, Yep, we're kicking cancer's ass, let's do this.
SPEAKER_02:Oh no. Yeah, oh, absolutely. I I think, well, your your attitude's so important anyway, and and the research bears that out. It's like if you if you feel like you are going to do well with the surgery, you will. And if you have a lot of doubts and think you won't, then you won't. You'll have some complications.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it's kind of like, what's that quote? If you think you can't, if you think you can't, you're right. If you think you can, you're right. Exactly.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. So the mental component is so important. And I I did a lot of like I, you know, I harnessed a lot of the anger I had about um I guess it's about cancer and my body and why me. And I just focused that hard on killing cancer, like just getting rid of it. I was, I was so mad at cancer because I have, you know, my husband and I are a blended family. We have five children between us. At the time I was diagnosed, three of them were in high school. So, you know, I was so I was determined to see them all graduate. Yes. You know, I had never it never occurred to me before cancer that I'd even have to worry about not seeing them graduate high school.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, you know, how did they handle it? How did they handle the diagnosis?
SPEAKER_02:You know, they all handled it in different ways because they're all such different people, you know. So it really depended on their personality. Um, you know, my my quiet daughter was very quiet about it, but very very deep thinker about it. Um you know, my uh very upbeat, positive stepson was upbeat and positive. Like, you you oh, it's early. They got it early. We're good, we're good. Like, look at the breadfight, you know, you know. Um my uh youngest who uh is the the best debater in the world, she needs to be an attorney. Most of the time, most of the she's always the one that's that's um arguing the house rules, and then when she's done arguing, I'm like, maybe she has a point. You're like, wait, is she right? She's good, man.
SPEAKER_01:She's good.
SPEAKER_02:Maybe she's right about that. So um, you know, she she asked a lot of questions. You know, she was like, Who are the doctors? What's going on? What is you know, she wanted to know all of the information. So everyone was different. I think in the way they were the same, is they they didn't want to bother me or PJ with their worry, you know. So, so they held a lot of it inside or they shared it with just their friends.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And, you know, when it was all over, I think a lot of that anxiety came out. You know, we talked about it a lot. Uh, it affected them in ways I I hadn't even really, really considered, you know, um, just in their ability to focus on schoolwork and you know, be there when an a test or a surgery was happening, you know. Um, during my my surgery, my my mom came to help and uh, you know, she was like, she was like, you know, I automatically called them out of school. You know, they shouldn't be at school on a day like this. Like they just, you know, they're not gonna be paying attention, you know. Yeah, which I was too wrapped up in.
SPEAKER_01:I wouldn't have I wouldn't have to be able to pay attention. I mean, that's just right. Right, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:So um, so they handled it in different ways, but it is a burden that goes to the entire family. Yeah, they they they have to and it affects everyone.
SPEAKER_01:Did you feel any pressure, whether it was internally or from friends or family, to be positive and be strong? Yeah, you really didn't want to be positive and strong.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, you know, I think that's also the stereotype, right? Like I I did get that from friends sometimes, uh, you know, when when I was feeling frustrated, you know, so some of my very like almost super positive live, laugh, love friends, you know, uh, they were like, uh, you gotta be, you can't not be positive. Like, that's you gotta be positive. But I came to to see that you can be uh strong and salty just as easily as you can be strong and upbeat, you know.
SPEAKER_01:Oh yeah, I'd be strong and salty in a heartbeat.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. So yeah, and right up my alley. Exactly. And and and we can draw strength from that. Like I made a funny video um with clips from The Untouchables, you know, Robert De Niro being Al Capone, basically saying he wanted Elliot Ness dead, he wants him dead, he wants his family dead, he wants, you know, the house burnt to the ground, you know, and that's how I felt about cancer. I will I know I would watch all the fight movies, like you know, kick a cancer channel.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_02:And yeah, and I loaded my playlist up with fight songs, yeah, amped up songs, because you know, salty and strong go hand in hand.
SPEAKER_01:Hand in hand. They do, they really do. So you you get through the chemo, you get through the double mastectomy, you're getting your life back on track. How did cancer change your relationship with your body, either physically, emotionally, or even spiritually?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I think it it changed it uh in all the ways. Uh, you know, I like I think most women, I I have uh, you know, insecurities about my body and I have mixed feelings about my body, and having something like cancer, where even, you know, uh the thing you might not have liked, you still wanted it if you're in your body. You know, I had issues with my breasts, but I I didn't really want to cut them off ever. You know, that was definitely you didn't hate them.
SPEAKER_01:You kind of just, you know, they were there. You're like, okay, I kind of like you, but I just wish you were, you know, like a neighbor. You like your neighbor, but maybe a better neighbor. Right, exactly.
SPEAKER_02:Like you could be perkier, you could be bigger, you could, you know, we could, we could, you know, less saggy here and there. Um right. Yeah, but you know, it's getting new on, I mean, I'd never really wanted breast augmentation. I sort of had made peace. I I was I was never large. I was, you know, always like, you know, barely a B cup, you know. Yeah. But I didn't really want the augmentation because I didn't like surgery. Like, but I got it anyway. And it it does change how I feel about my body. There are a lot of um lasting scars, you know, there's scar tissue, there's a lack of feeling too, because when you get a uh massectomy, they scoop every even the nerve endings out. So uh the the nurse was even like you, you should you should take care. You can't, you can't like if there's a cut that's infected, you're not gonna know. So you really should, you know. So all of that plays into how I feel about the bot my body. I'm still sort of, you know, accepting the differences. Of course, you know, I I do try to look at the scars like um, you know, badges of honor because they they are, you know. Go you've been through a war.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Wear those scars proudly. That's yeah, that's a war I hope I never go through. Because, you know, people are like, oh, I've got a scar here. And I'm like, those are battle wounds.
unknown:Exactly.
SPEAKER_02:Exactly. So true. So but ultimately I like to think at the end of the day, I have more confidence just in myself. And because, you know, now when people are like, you know, you're brave. You and I was like, Yeah, I know, because I was terrified and I did it anyway. And now I'm here.
SPEAKER_01:So uh that's when people say, Oh, you're so brave. It's because you were scared out of your you know what. Yeah. And you just did it anyway. You know, you're like, Oh, you're so brave. It's not like you sit there, am I brave today? Right now, I'm feeling it today, you know.
SPEAKER_02:It doesn't work that way. No, no, exactly. It's not like we're just like, oh, I'm just gonna try bravery today. No, it's really thrust upon you.
SPEAKER_01:Now I understand that you know, humor has become a survival tool for you. Yeah. For our listeners, what role does humor play in your resilience?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I think humor is so necessary in really every part of life, whether that's getting joy, uh, whether that's breaking tension, you know. For me, humor during the cancer journey really was about taking back my power. Yes, you know, and makes making something scary less scary. Because if you're laughing at it, if if you find a way to find humor in a scary situation, it just makes it less scary, you know. Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:You know, so absolutely. And I think laughing reinforces your immune system, if I'm correct. Yeah, it does. When you laugh, it does, it has all of these positive effects. Yeah. I should I should do a podcast about that. You should. Side note. So I'm sorry, I went into the little white room. Um so Kira, I know you've just written a book, and I do know that you are donating half of your book's proceeds to breast cancer research. Yes. Tell us a little bit about this book.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, it's called There's No Good Book for This, but I wrote one anyway. I love that. It's the Irreverent Guide to Kicking Cancer. So uh yeah, it's it's really sort of part memoir, part uh how-to book, uh part pep talk. Every chapter ends in a pep talk. So even if you're just going through something hard, you know, it can it can help. But uh, I really wanted people to feel seen and less alone. There's a lot of there's a lot of big, terrifying breast cancer books out there written by amazing specialists and nurses and doctors. Uh, this is not that book. This is this is the emotional journey.
SPEAKER_01:This is a real person who's gone through breast cancer book.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, exactly. If your best friend is gonna tell you how it really is, yeah, and how to get a handle on things, you know, that's this book. So, and it was important to me to to donate half the proceeds because I would like nothing better than for no one to ever have to read this book again and to cure cancer so that the club, the breast cancer club is closed forever, no new members, and then about it in history books.
SPEAKER_01:That's that was I wish you could just take it and just be like, oh, that was so yesterday. Yeah, it's just gone now, you know.
SPEAKER_02:Exactly, like the mubonic plague.
SPEAKER_01:Like, oh, that hardly ever happens. Well, you're like, Wow, that was back in the day. Yeah, it's fine now. Exactly.
unknown:Exactly.
SPEAKER_01:All right, Kira, we're gonna go through a lightning round of questions. We've got four. Um, what's one thing cancer taught you that you wish you'd learned sooner?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I wish I had learned to stop the negativity, the negative, the negative loop in my in my head. I wish I had uh paid closer attention to all those nitpicky little negative thoughts that I that I didn't before cancer. I really shushed them during cancer.
SPEAKER_01:Gotcha. If your healing playlist had one theme song, what would it be? Ooh, you know what?
SPEAKER_02:I love um the pink song turbulence. Yeah. It's all about fear. It's all about fear saying the planes crashed, but you're really just a turbulence. So I think that's my my number one.
SPEAKER_01:So looking back when you were going through treatment, what's the most you've got to be kidding me moment from treatment that you can laugh at now?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Um, there's so many. There's so, so many. I mean, I think probably mainly after surgery, when they're like, we got the cancer, it's all clean, the cancer is all out of your body. And then it was like, but by the way, you should have chemotherapy though. Just I think that was you gotta be kidding me. Yeah. I love that.
SPEAKER_01:So if you could go back and whisper something to your 2023 self on diagnosis day, what would you say?
SPEAKER_02:Oh, I would say you are stronger than you think you are. I would say you're gonna think you're done, but you're only 40% there.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. I love that.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Kara, what do you what have you got coming up? Tell us a little bit more about your book where we can get it and what's what's happening for you in the future. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:So you can get this book um pretty much wherever books are sold, but go to kara theauthor.com if you'd like direct links to the audiobook, uh, the digital book, the print copy, and reach out to me uh there if you'd like. Um, the next project I'm working on, I'm going back to to romance and and happily ever afters, but also with a little bit of mystery. So next summer 2026, I have a fun rom-com mystery called Kiss Mary Kill, like the like the game. And uh so it's like if it's sort of like only murders in the building if you want more romance. Yeah, yeah. And uh they're just in love, exactly, exactly. And the main character is dating uh three men, and uh one might be a killer, but I'm not saying.
SPEAKER_01:So I have one more question. Out of your 35 books, do you have a favorite? Oh, and and if you do, why is that your favorite?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, you know, it's hard to pick a favorite. It's your favorite kid, you know? I mean, it's hard to pick one. I love them all. I think there's no good book for this as the most personal one. So that might maybe maybe I should make that my favorite since it's the it's the the most personal one. But close second is um probably uh the takeover, which I write under my maiden name, Kara Tanamachi. And that's uh it's just a fun, it's a fun enemies to lovers romance.
SPEAKER_01:And yeah, yeah. I love this. Kara, you've been an amazing guest. Thank you so much for the laughter and the humor and and through all of this. Um, thank you for your honesty, your humor, and your deep willingness to tell the truth about something that rarely feels funny or clear or manageable. Your story reminds us that even in the hardest chapters, there's room for great grace and the kind of laughter that resets your whole soul.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Um, I'm gonna make sure that care that um Kara's links are available. So if you want to get her book, if you want to go to her website or whatever, we'll be there. Um, Kara, thank you so much for being here today.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, thank you.
SPEAKER_01:Thanks for inspiration. Thank you. Not only to me, but you know, to other people who might be listening who have either gone through this or know someone who's going through this. It's we have to keep talking. We have to keep moving forward. We have to keep saying kick cancer in the ass. Exactly. Um with that, I'm gonna say please stay safe, take care of each other until next time, and please remember it's never too late to start job.