Sisters-in-Service
Are you a women veteran who feels unseen and unheard? Do you struggle with finding your purpose after service? Sisters-in-Service is a podcast that gives women veterans the platform to talk about those exact issues and more. Hear from other veterans, military spouses and Veteran Service Organizations (VSO) just like you that have overcome their transition from the military. Every Tuesday this podcast encourages women veterans to stand up and be counted because as a group we have a voice. From your host - Cat Corchado - The Voice Connecting Women Veterans
Sisters-in-Service
Unlocking Sustainable Habits: Coaching Insights with Ronnie Loaiza
How much of your daily life is driven by unconscious habits? Join us for an eye-opening conversation with master certified professional coach and certified habit coach Ronnie Loiza as we unravel the profound impact of habits on our identity and daily actions, especially during life's key transitions. Ronnie sheds light on how these automatic behaviors shape our responses to changes in career, personal life, and even physiological shifts. Through her expert insights, you'll gain practical, actionable advice on how to establish sustainable habits, making the process feel less intimidating and more achievable.
Forget the myth of willpower as the secret to success. In our discussion, we illuminate the importance of laying the right groundwork for habit formation by starting small and celebrating every step forward. Ronnie emphasizes the need for a supportive environment, from the right tools to a positive social circle, and the crucial role of clear personal boundaries and goal communication. You'll hear real-life examples that illustrate how rewarding yourself and acknowledging small victories can bolster your journey toward creating lasting routines.
We also tackle common obstacles in habit development, highlighting the necessity of aligning habits with your identity and maintaining flexibility. Our conversation stresses consistent repetition over arbitrary timelines and the power of mindset and accountability in habit mastery. Ronnie encourages an experimental approach to tracking progress and adjusting strategies, ensuring your new habits stick by resonating with your personal goals and values. Don't miss this enriching episode, which also explores the transformative power of life coaching with Ronnie Lowe, and how taking proactive steps can lead to meaningful personal growth.
https://www.ronnielolifecoach.com
Welcome to Sisters in Service podcast. Most of you know me as a strong advocate for women veterans in being recognized not only as veterans but also as women who are changing the world through our passion of serving even after service. This podcast is my passion by telling all the stories of military brats, military spouses, active duty and veterans, not to forget the veteran service organizations that help us along our transition journey. I want to thank you in advance for listening. I hope that you will join me. Every week, a new podcast and episode comes out every Tuesday, so I hope that you will join and I hope that you enjoy. This podcast is brought to you by Small Space Pilates. Are you ready to get fit and fabulous from the comfort of your own home? Look no further than Small Space Pilates. With live online Pilates and strength training classes, a video library and a no perfection allowed policy, you can achieve your fitness goals without ever leaving your house. Click on the link for your complimentary week and start your journey to feeling fabulous today. Hi everyone, yes, I'm back.
Speaker 1:This is our latest episode of Sisters in Service and you know me, I'm your. I'm your. I've got coach on the brain because I have coach Ronnie Loiza here, but however, you guys know me, I'm you know the the person who does this thing on a podcast. I'm the host. That's it. So welcome to the Sisters in Service podcast. Today I'm excited to have Ronnie Loaiza, who is a master, certified professional coach and a certified habit coach who specializes in the holistic connection of mind, body and psyche, joining us. Ronnie's not just any life coach. She's a transformative guide who empowers individuals to create sustainable, doable habits that lead to achieving their goals across all aspects of life, be it fitness, wellness, career or even your love life without relying on endless to-do lists, discipline or sheer willpower. Ronnie, welcome to Sisters in Service.
Speaker 2:Hi, kat, you crack me up. I love you. I absolutely love this. You're just so real.
Speaker 1:Oh, thank you. So, if you notice, I did not use the word veteran. She's not a veteran. However, we all need to know how to do habits, how to make it easier, just like we all need fitness and health and wellness and all the things. So that's why I invited her to be on the podcast so we can talk about how we can make this less heavy of a lift. So, ronnie, how did you get into all the things? I mean, you're like everything. So how did you go from being a master, certified professional coach to habit coach?
Speaker 2:Well, first of all, kat, I started watching you because I saw you on LinkedIn with a good friend of mine who you've had on the podcast and, like you said, I'm not in military but I know a lot of military people. I used to live in San Diego near Camp Pendleton and also Miramar, and I've met so many fascinating people through the military. But also I just listen to you because you talk about real life and we go through transitions. I'm hitting 59 this summer, yay and I have been through a handful of not just career transitions but life transitions and all of a sudden, that's your identity. It's like you're out of the military or you're out of a marriage I got divorced once. Now I'm with the right person, we're compatible or like the kids leave empty nest. When your life changes, it's transition and people ask themselves and they would come to me. I don't know who I am anymore, which sounds so woo and so dumb until you say it, and you realize that's true.
Speaker 2:I mean, so many people are afraid to say so many strong, powerful, intelligent, well-trained women and men. You know, because I also coach men, and especially the men in midlife. They feel like it's dumb until they say it, like I don't know who I am anymore, because it just sounds ridiculous. But they realize your habits. Now stay with me. Your habits make up 40 to 50% of your day. Everyone across the board, more people than not 70% of their day, but I'm going to just say globally, and this is from meta studies, meta research, which means different research, and then they put them all together. So if nearly half to half of our day is just a series of our habits, that's who we are, that's our identity.
Speaker 2:What we do daily on a consistent basis are our habits, so our habitual way of thinking. So when you say, well, we got to start a new habit, people think, oh God, a new habit, so I can eat well. And they think of diets and plans and programs. No, that's exactly it. Our habits are from our subconscious up here. What we choose to do are our conscience. Now we can bring our habits into our conscious Wonderful. But what we do without thinking about it much is our habits. You weren't born out of your mommy's womb knowing how to eat or how to breathe.
Speaker 1:I mean breathing is a habit.
Speaker 2:You don't know how to brush your teeth. It's just a habit. You don't decide how to brush your teeth, you know, it's just a habit. You don't decide every time. This is crass. Every time you go to the bathroom and you wipe, you don't think what do I do now? Oh yeah, I have to wipe.
Speaker 1:It's just a habit. It is. I think it's interesting for people to understand that. You know, when you hear transition, people think either oh, I'm not in transition or I don't need to do that. But when you think of going, remember when you went from grade school to middle school. That was a transition. Middle school to high school, high school to college, or maybe high school to marriage. And even as a woman, you went from being a girl who I don't know what you did as a girl. Then all of a sudden you went through menses. That's a transition.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know all the things we go through, but we don't think of those as transitions, we think of those as just what happens, but it's life.
Speaker 1:Those parts of life are transitions. So, ronnie, let's get deep into this a little bit today. How you know, when I hear people talk about habits and specifically I'm thinking fitness, because that just comes to mind for me as they go oh well, I have to make it a habit, I have to get motivated. Ok, right there, it's a heavy thing, you said have to. How do we make it less heavy?
Speaker 2:Okay, you start with a very tiny, tiny step, and most of the women you know I'm just focusing on women, but men as well, especially men they're set in their ways. We want to start with you get a lot of information. They get workout plans, they go online, they look up working out three times a week and they get what muscles and this and that, how many reps and how many sets or a diet or whatever, and they put this all into their arm and they run away with it. It's like, okay, I'm going to start, but that's a lot. You're not used to it. So I have to rein people in, because usually they're go getters. It's not the lazy people who don't want to do something, it's people who want to do something and they keep slipping and failing and falling.
Speaker 1:But we want to do all the things. That's it. We want to do all the things instead of this one small thing, yeah, and you want to make it your identity.
Speaker 2:It can't be Like you said. We evolve, so I always have to rein them in, like we start out, for example, with give me some, first of all, what's your goal? And then away from the goal Most people are used to charting. That's my goal and this is the process. What's the strategy? Give me the plan Instead of who am I? Now? I'm not all woo-woo cat. I'm a pragmatic wooist. If you want to call me woo-woo, really it's who you are. I'm the type of person who works out. I'm the type of person like James Cleary said it best Well, if you want to be a writer, what do you do? You're right, it doesn't mean you're editing, you're good and you do it at this time, and then you send it to this person.
Speaker 2:It's like no, no, you're right, you know. If you're an author, what do you do? I author things. If you're a healthy person, what does a person a healthy person do If you're shopping at the grocery store and you have to make a choice are the Cheetos or the fruit? I am a healthy person. What does a healthy person pick? It's who you are.
Speaker 2:So, instead of starting with the goal, instead of starting with the process, start with who do you want to be. That's your goal, go back to the goal, and then we choose a tiny goal, and then we choose a tiny action. You don't start with a habit, because it's not a habit. Yet. A habit, by its very definition, is already ingrained in you. It's innate. So you start with a tiny action. So we come up with like 10 actions, and then people always want to do like five or six. Well, bessie, let's pick one and we rate them. We go through a whole process. I do a behavior assessment. What are you really going to do? In what context? We have to look at a lot of things. So I'm not going to give you the whole program, but we have to look at your context. What's your situation, what's your frame of mind. What are your values? What do you value? What do you value?
Speaker 1:Your core values and what do you find valuable? What's your why for wanting to do this? No-transcript. 28 pounds, I'm like. Why is 28 pounds? Well, that's what I weighed in high school. Why is that significant to you? Yeah, you know, and it's not therapy?
Speaker 2:It really isn't. We're not like going back and just lie on the couch, it's like. But we have to understand what your?
Speaker 1:why is?
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, cause that's when I felt the prettiest in high school. That's when I felt the prettiest. You know, it can always just come down to that.
Speaker 1:And I think your why is what keeps you on track. To your why isn't like oh, you know, I just want to feel better. Well, you know, your why is something and I believe this to be true that when I start to wane, when I start to be like, oh, I don't want to work out or I don't want to do the thing, whatever that thing is, your why should snap you back? Why did I want to do this in the first place? Oh yeah, okay, let's get. Let's get it on, let's do this.
Speaker 2:And that's the other thing. So, after we pick the one tiny action and I please remind me to get back to willpower, cause you just described disciplinary willpower and the people have the most self-control research after research study shows that the people have the most self-control and do it rely least on willpower. Because willpower you have to keep revving up and revving up. Rev up that willpower and it's a myth that willpower is the cornerstone to success. No, the cornerstone of success is having the right foundation. So you don't have to depend on the willpower. The willpower kicks in with something huge. Okay, that last mile, that last little hundred yards or that last five minutes of that Zumba class, whatever it is, but you don't have to rely on willpower because that gets exhausting and that's what leads to burnout and that's what makes people quit. They start too big, too fast and then they quit.
Speaker 2:So when we start with a tiny action and most people think I can do those three or four, like oh, I can go cardio and I can do five, five times a week, and I can strength train and I can do yoga, and it's like, okay, what will you realistically do? Pick one action. You can do all the rest if you want, but pick one action that, no matter what you want, you celebrate it. You celebrate it every day, like some people. I just get them to start five minutes a day. I mean, these are people that have just quit working out and it's like well, ronnie, what will five minutes a day do? And it's not that. Well, five minutes a day is 25 minutes. That's better than nothing. No, it's the point that your brain goes time. Location, do it time.
Speaker 1:It becomes ingrained in your body, you're like, oh, it's time to work out, yeah.
Speaker 2:And most people start with five minutes, 10 minutes a day, and then it just becomes weird if they don't. It becomes part of your psyche. So you get an activation. And what will activate that action? And I'm talking more than just the post-it, this is a post-it it becomes part of your vision, you see around it, you can ignore that post-it You're like I don't see you.
Speaker 2:The post-it just becomes part of just always there the alarm. People turn off their alarm and keep doing what they're doing Right. So we have to find what will activate you and then set up your surrounding. So we ensure activation in your surrounding, whether it's at work, at home, wherever it is, and then we boost your ability. Do you have the right equipment? Do you have the right environment? Do you have the right gear, the right clothes? Are you close enough to the gym or do you have the right stuff at home? We look at everything, also your human environment.
Speaker 2:Most people have to come out of their shell, and these are like extroverts, but they have to come out of their shell, and these are extroverts, but they have to come out and have that critical conversation with their families, and usually it's with a partner, which I really found interesting. And I must tell you veteran women that I have talked to. They don't want to tell their partner because their partner already thinks that they can, because, well, you, you can do it. I really heard that, without revealing anything confidential with anyone in particular, but it's especially veterans or anyone that's changing careers or changing anything. They've always been seen as well, you could do it, you can get anything done. And it's like no, I'm finding trouble getting this done. And they have to tell their family, tell their peers, tell their colleagues, tell their friends, whatever it is, share with them what your goal is and what you're working on. Yes, absolutely Share with them. They will either support you or they'll negate you.
Speaker 2:And then that's where you set up your boundaries. And the boundaries are not for them. You don't know if they'll hold up their end of the boundary, doesn't matter. That boundary is your little fence where you can go up and say, hey, how's it going, neighbor? All right, I'm going to maintain my fence. Okay, I got to go. Now it's for you to maintain your boundary, it's not for others. They're not going to maintain it, they're going to try to crash that gate. Right? Do you want to talk about the?
Speaker 1:willpower and that reminder yeah.
Speaker 2:And lastly, in this, not only do you boost their ability, whatever it is, make sure that they're set up, you reward it. That's really important and I'm getting to the willpower right now. But you have to reward yourself and at first they think it's silly. Reward yourself as you're about to go do it. Yeah, I'm about to do it, I'm getting to do it, I'm going, I'm doing it. Why? And why out loud? Because your brain hears it. It's like feedback and your brain just goes noted.
Speaker 1:It's a computer noted and you start and believe it, you start to be like you know it's that You're giving yourself evidence, proof that you're starting to do it.
Speaker 2:Then, as you're doing it, I'm doing it. I mean, I had one girl I call everybody girl, I don't care if you're 82 years old. I had one girl. She was in her forties. She hated weight training, I mean like with a passion. But her doctor even told her you have to build muscle and you have to lose this amount of weight. It was for her blood pressure and all that. She was only in her forties and she had kids and that was her reason why. But she had to incorporate strength training.
Speaker 2:And she would tell herself I hate this, as she's doing the bicep curl, and she would start laughing because she's saying it out loud I hate this and I'm doing it anyway. Not, but throw out the word but and I'm doing it anyway and your brain hears it yes, you are Capable, Noted and afterwards share it and most of my clients share it with me on Voxer Yay, they just have to do a little green check emoji or done. Or some people go on yeah, I did a blah, blah, blah and they write me a lot. But share it with someone, but especially yourself, because that accountability partner or that coach won't be around forever.
Speaker 1:Say it out loud to yourself, celebrate yourself, do a little happy dance, whatever it takes.
Speaker 2:You may feel silly, but look at yourself in the eyeballs and celebrate it, because it's that instant reward that will make that action a habit. It's not a habit yet. It takes time and repetition, repetition, repetition, repetition.
Speaker 2:All right, so the willpower, willpower or discipline, it's like well, it's kind of hard, unless you're in the military and you're being told to do it. You have to, or for your job, I'm required to do this, I have to, or I have a deadline. You know, notice most writers or whoever has a deadline, they can procrastinate and then all of a sudden they do it, but you don't always have somebody like hello, hello. So, instead of depending on the self-control and all that, set yourself up with tiny habits. You don't have to depend on the self-control because you're developing the habit of whatever it is to stop eating at a certain time, or eat don't overeat, or indulge. Taste that beautiful chocolate, don't overindulge. Make tiny actions, a series of actions, become a habit. Because, again, willpower when you have to keep going. Okay, this is my motivation, okay, I've got to do it. And then, when you don't, then you beat yourself up.
Speaker 1:And you don't believe yourself. You don't believe yourself when you say it, you just don't.
Speaker 2:You don't. But if you do a tiny action and you did it and you reward yourself, then it's like all right. Well, the brain tells you I'm capable. When you, whatever you tell your brain, your brain goes you're right and it looks for more evidence to prove yourself right. Whether it's a bad habit or a good habit, our brains are computers. They just want to keep you in the norm. Because back in the lizard days or caveman days our brain saw change or anything different as danger. So to protect you, our brains say no. So if it's a bad habit, it'll still look for more evidence if you can't do that or you got to do the bad thing because it just knows that as your habit.
Speaker 1:I do have to say I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off. Go ahead, no it's okay.
Speaker 2:That's the difference between willpower, which is great, but you don't need the willpower when it's something that's part of your identity. But go ahead.
Speaker 1:While you were talking. It made me think about. So I'm not proud of this, but I am proud of part of it. I smoked when I was in the military for 12 years.
Speaker 2:Nine years I lived in Europe.
Speaker 1:And I, you know, you don't think it's that big of a deal and then I got bronchitis one year and the doctor said, okay, he goes. Do you smoke? I go, yeah, he goes. You're going to get bronchitis every year and each year is going to get harder and harder to get rid of it. Smoked for another year, went back to the doctor he goes bronchitis. And I was like, okay, I'm tired of this. So when you're I did not know at the time that I was addicted to nicotine Okay, I'm just going to put that out there. But when you're addicted to, whether it's food, whether it's chocolate, whether it's sweets- whether it's cigarettes.
Speaker 2:you take it away, and what happens? What's the?
Speaker 1:first thing, you can't wait and you retaliate, and you retaliate. So I had to figure out a plan that would work for me. And so I kept smoking, but I kept going lower and lower nicotine. So I got to the lowest nicotine you know that you could get in a cigarette. Then I started pulling back how many cigarettes I had per day, and so I finally got down to four cigarettes a day. And I also had my son and I told him. I pulled him into it. I said I want you to ask me every time you come home from school. Ask me if I smoked, because you'll get mad at me. I go, I promise I won't. You're, you know, I didn't say you're my account, accountability, but I said just ask me. And I ran out of cigarettes and I was going to go to the store to get more cigarettes and I was like no, let me see if I can do this. And so it will be 32 years in August.
Speaker 1:Now here's the thing, Every day I went without a cigarette. I congratulated myself. I did a little something for me. Actually, I did some retail therapy. That's what happened when I was doing this, but it works. And so I worked a week, and then two weeks, and then every year, and I will tell you this it's been 32 years. In August every year I buy myself something, congratulate myself that I did this, because it was huge.
Speaker 2:That's awesome, that's huge. Now I also tell people I do not work with addictions because you need a specialist. Now I also tell people I do not work with addictions because you need a specialist. However, to correlate that, the nicotine, the actual chemical, what it did to your brain was your reward. That was your reward. That was your instant gratification. So there are two different kinds of smokers. You and I perfect that. We're in these two frames. I smoked because I lived in Paris.
Speaker 1:And that's what everybody did.
Speaker 2:I would smoke. I would never smoke my Dunhill before noon and I would only smoke after a meal and it was usually outside. I never smoked in my own apartment. When I moved back to the United States this is the silliest thing my thing was an oral thing and it was a social thing and it was not like I need the nicotine. I was not addicted. I did not smoke that much. When I got to about four cigarettes a day I was like I would cut back. But I saw guys at Pacific Beach or I'll never forget I was in San Diego, you know, late 20s, and I was like these guys don't like girls that smoke. I never smoked again. Wow, that was a ridiculous why. But I was like they're hitting on girls that don't smoke. Never smoked again.
Speaker 2:My thing was an oral thing and I realized I do have an oral thing. But my reward was the taste and the doing with the mouth. Your reward was the chemical. So same thing whether you have an addiction and then you should get help and that's why lower, lower, lower your brain starts going okay, I need lower dosage and lower dosage. Or if that's a reward, then you have to reward yourself another way. Yours was praise.
Speaker 2:Praise and accountability If it's a habit that you're trying to undo, not an addiction. Same thing you need an instant reward because people always look at the long-term vision. Yes, long-term vision, yes, that trophy. Instant reward, because people always look at the long-term vision yes, long-term vision, yes, that trophy, that goal, that that, whatever you want, but that's way down the road. That's not going to get you through. Working out that morning when you don't feel like it, I have it as something that you do, even no, especially when you don't feel up to it, when you're at your lowest. Your habits support you. So I help people create those foundational habits that, no matter what, will support the rest of it and be flexible. That's the other thing.
Speaker 2:I just got back from a four-day vacation with my husband. We just went to Vegas real quick and I normally work out in the evening after I do my coaching. I also teach senior fitness because I'm still into it I want. There's a shortage of senior, good trained, certified senior fitness specialists, so I go teach two classes. That's why I'm dressed like this today. So I do all that and I always like to be my last client. I like to do my whatever self-care and I work out shower, get in my jammies, we watch TV together, but then when I go away I don't want to say, oh, I'm on vacation, I'm going to eat more, I'm not going to work out. It's like, no, that's who I am, so I don't want to impose. Let's say I'm with family or my sister or my husband, I don't want to impose on their schedule or think I got to get back to the hotel tonight and work out.
Speaker 2:It's like no, I get up earlier than them. I do a shorter workout, unless, unless, I want to prolong it. I shower, I'm good to go, I don't have to think about it the rest of the day. So you still, when you're developing a habit, it's if fill in the blank, then if this happens, then I'll do this. You have to. You have to, and I'm sorry if I'm wrong, but military have told me that military people always have plan A, plan B, plan C.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, my father always told me you have a backup plan, for your backup plan, exactly Because mud will hit the windshield. Yes, it just will. So you have to be also flexible. If the boss wants something all of a sudden, if the family wants something, your kid gets sick, you get a distraction. Whatever it is, it's okay, I have a backup plan. If this happens, I'll do it. Then that's as you're developing your actions into a habit, because again it. Then that's as you're developing your actions into a habit, because again, we're identifying, we're aligning your habit to your identity. What type of person am I? So I worked out all three days that I was gone and I had a great time. I didn't feel you can have both?
Speaker 1:Yeah, you can have both.
Speaker 2:It becomes who you are. So also I mean that counts with exercise. But exercises were the hardest ones, especially for, like I said, people who think that they're so high. Achieving it's like well, the biggest achievement is to let go and start slow and start tiny. And another thing I want people to remember there is no one set number. People say well, I've always heard it takes 21 days to build a habit, or I hear it's 40 days to build a habit, or I hear it's 90 days. It depends If you do it two or three times during those 90 days.
Speaker 2:It's repetition, repetition, repetition. As you know, it's like people that work out well, I only worked out last week and then I worked out once this week. Well, that's not going to get you anywhere. So it's more of repetition. So you can get a lot more done in three weeks if you do it every day as far as setting it in your brain, reprogramming your brain, than you can if you said okay, at 40 days I'll be done, but you skip a lot. There's no set number. That's a fallacy. There have been studies. But research shows with some people it could take 45 days. With some people it takes 180 days.
Speaker 1:It also depends on the person and the practice and the habit of it, the actual repetition. Can we talk about overcoming obstacles? I'm sure you have clients who they have every excuse in the world. Well, this happened, that happened. Or how do you speak to people who always tend to put obstacles in their way or they don't? And I'm going to speak from a veteran point of view. If there's a rock in the way or they don't, you know it's, and I'm gonna speak from a veteran point of view. If there's a rock in the road, a big rock, I'm going to get out of the car and go huh, can I get over it? Can I get around it? I'm trying to figure out a way. A lot of people will be like well, let's turn around. There's a rock in the road, let's go the other way.
Speaker 2:So can you talk about obstacles for a little bit? That's part of the process. So when I said, get activated, ensure activation, boost your ability, that's part of boost your ability. Okay, look at any possible barriers blocks, mindset blocks, physical blocks, family, boss work, look at anything, everything that could be a barrier and excuses are real. I'm not dismissing that, that's not an excuse, you're not making it up, you're not lying it's. You know some people like, oh well, you know, yes, it can be an excuse, and then they beat themselves up for it. I have found, kat, that when you beat yourself up, it's usually because it's true, but you could have avoided it or you could have overcome it.
Speaker 2:So you know, it's true, it's not a lie, all right. So we look at any possible blocks and that's the if then. So we plan for the blocks. There's a marathon runner and I forgot his name, I just forgot.
Speaker 2:Maybe you know, but there was a gentleman about 20 years ago and he kept training for the Olympics, training for the Olympics, and he would plan with his coach what could possibly go wrong. They thought of what if I get dehydrated? What if it rains? What if my shoe tread isn't good? What if I slip on a pebble? I mean, they thought of all the possible things. As he was running, he would envision and he would process that uchiness of this as if it were happening. Therefore, and this was their thing, therefore, his coach said your brain already will have gone through it. He wasn't a scientist, he was just a coach. But I'm like that was brilliant because if and when something happens that is unforeseen, you already went through the shock of you thought of what if something bad does happen? It's not so shocking if you envision it. That doesn't mean catastrophize, it really doesn't. It doesn't mean like I'm going to get on a plane, okay, let me imagine it crashing. No, it doesn't mean that.
Speaker 1:No, don't do that, it's preparing yeah, it's being prepared, just like if you're heading on a road trip.
Speaker 2:do I have my AAA card? What happens if I see a boulder in the road? Do we have a backup plan? So you prepare without catastrophizing and you kind of experience the shock anyway. It's sort of like buying life insurance.
Speaker 2:It's not good to think about death, but you kind of prepare knowing you might die tomorrow. So, with the barriers and the boulders and all that, you have to see what possible barriers are there. Now let's take it back to exercising and eating. Let's say, for example, you take away anything that could be friction, for example. You take away anything that could stop you from going to work out and you also put up anything that will help you. Those are the activators. But you take away anything. I don't know what would keep you from working out other than the weather. And then you have a backup plan.
Speaker 2:But in eating that's the best one because you don't buy the, the, the bad snacks, you don't buy the crap food and people always say, yeah, but I've got kids in the house. It's like, all right, that's your, that's your deal with them, that's for them, not for you. And you can put it up in a high place or in a way place where people have to sign in for them. That's where you have to get everybody on board and surround yourself with a team. But you can also put the fruit.
Speaker 1:I grew up with fruit bowls of fruit on the dining room table.
Speaker 2:I grew up with it on the counter, so you see that eye level when you open the fridge or in the cupboard. So you have your activators there and you take away anything that is tempting, you just do. You're not going to keep cigarettes in the house if you want to stop smoking. You have your patches instead. So back to your question, the barriers. Yes, there's a different thing excuses, barriers do come up and cravings and temptations do come up, and that's where you work out a plan, your backup plan. Like in eating, people have the 80, 20, that's a key guy 80%, good, clean, whatever. Your goal is 20%, not that clean, and it's okay if that's your habit and you, like, don't want more than 20%.
Speaker 1:Well, I think some people think that to get healthy they can never have whatever. It is Like my, my go-to is ice cream.
Speaker 2:I love ice cream.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but if you told me, to get healthy, that I could never have ice cream again, I'd be like, ah, I don't know, I got to think about this. I mean seriously. So you know, we've gotten to a point where you know I've, you know, we have a pint of ice cream and we have it twice a month and I might eat a little bit of it and put it back in the fridge. So I used to eat the whole pint or half pint or whatever it is. Um, but now I've gotten better at it and so I think that you know you, I love the 80, 20, because it's giving you permission. Again, it's a habit. 80%, yes.
Speaker 2:I went to dinner the other night and we only ordered one dessert. He wanted this chocolate thing we had never heard of. It was like a soft Play-Doh fudge. It was a soft fudge, it was divine. It was really heavy. I'm glad we didn't order two. I had about two teaspoons.
Speaker 2:I was not restricting myself. It is not about restriction. I'm in the habit of eating a certain amount. It's a habit. If I want more, I can. But I was like, oh my God, that was so good and I had my little decaf and I just left the rest for my husband. I didn't want anymore. I had the penny pasta with the lobster and the olive. I eat butter but I didn't want the whole plate. I'm like take home queen. Of course we were out of town so I couldn't box it up, but my husband thinks I'm the cheapest date because I can go out to dinner and have enough leftovers for two weeks. I freeze it up in my little Tupperwares. Why? Because it's a habit.
Speaker 2:I used to eat ice cream every night, like six nights a week. Then I got in this habit of putting a scoop of protein, 20 grams of protein, mix it up with my ice cream so it would take up more volume. And then the pandemic hit and our particular supermarket ran out of my favorite dryers. It was 110 calories. I'm like, ah, I went for months without that ice cream because I didn't want the other ones calories. I'm like, ah, I went for months without that ice cream because I didn't want the other ones. Your taste buds are used to something. You can retrain them. You really can. Now I don't crave it. I don't. I used to eat it six nights a week and then when I started eating it again, I'm like I don't want this. Every night. I love it, and if I want a little ball, fine. I'm still in the habit of mixing it with my protein and I have some fruit with it. I accompany it with things. So my point is you can retrain yourself, not restrict yourself. Retrain yourself, not restrict yourself.
Speaker 1:But I think that's a good idea. That's that's for people who say, oh well, I just love dessert. Don't get her his and her desserts. Get one dessert and share it. That's a great way to start that habit of pulling back. So it doesn't have to be hard when you do this, ronnie. I want to talk about how habits can become overwhelming for people. In what way can habits become overwhelming, especially when they're trying to get new habits to be healthier or whatever that thing is for them?
Speaker 2:See, that's just it. I get what you're saying. Everybody thinks the same thing. Once it's a habit, it's not overwhelming. So it's semantics, I know, but it's thinking about. I want to make this a habit. That's overwhelming and, again, that's your habitual way of thinking. Now we're getting all woo-woo, but it's psychology. You are in the habit of labeling things. You are in the habit of acting a certain way. You are in the habit of reacting to a certain situation in a different way. You're in the habit of reacting to different people in different ways. You're in the habit of expressing yourself in a certain way. You're in the habit of communicating as separate. So what I'm talking about is your habitual way of thinking, otherwise known as mindset. It's your default thinking. So let's take it back. Well, what's overwhelming about it? The fact that you think what? And then we get down to it. It's not therapy. It doesn't take years, it takes literally five minutes. Well, what is? Why are you saying that's overwhelming? Overwhelmed literally means you're taken over like a wave.
Speaker 1:Well, I think we make it bigger than it is In our minds, exactly, and it becomes this big old, hairy monster when in reality it's not that at all.
Speaker 2:That's why we break it down to actions. And if you accomplish that action every day, you can progress and progress and it evolves and becomes a habit. But since the Aninia, my, my dad used to say that. But since patients, patients, child, don't try to take on too much. Tiny steps, get you there faster. Tiny steps, get you there faster because you accomplish it, it gets ingrained, it solidifies, it gels, however you want to put it.
Speaker 2:So when you get overwhelmed, say it Okay, why does this feel overwhelmed? Why am I labeling this as overwhelming? What part can I or can I not do? And failure is not missing it one day. Or I just didn't get to it or I didn't do it. Things happen One day. It's not a failure. Things happen Second day. That's your choice. Third day okay, something's wrong. So we tweak Also the way you deal with it not becoming overwhelming is you track it?
Speaker 2:That's another reason for celebrating. I call it celebrative accountability. Celebrate it because when you're accountable, you're not only celebrating to give yourself that instant reward, but you're also holding yourself accountable, responsible account, like an accountant. That's it. That's all it is. When people hear accountability at first they think, oh, my God, I'm responsible, I have to check in and they hide and they ghost. It's just an accounting, because you're tracking it, so you enter it and I get my clients to enter it. In a experimental mindset, you're we're scientists, put on your lab coat. We're just tracking data. If something's not working, why not? More often than not is it working or not working, and then we see if it's not working, why and you tweak it Exactly?
Speaker 2:Yeah, Okay, that didn't work, let's try this. Okay, Five minutes, two minutes, 10 minutes, you know. And? And she started with one minute of self-care, whatever that means to whoever For her. She didn't want to journal. So many people are told journaling is great for you, but they just don't want to do it because they, whatever reasons like, well, I say the same thing every day. Fine, let's not journal, what will work for you? Her thing was literally just getting up and listening to something nice and motivational thing as she's getting up, brushing her teeth, all that. And then five minutes of some kind of calisthenics or stretch. She started. I was really surprised. She started going on YouTube videos and working out seven to 10 minutes and she would celebrate that and it's like, okay, yay, for your one minute. And then she asked me well, why not the seven minutes? I'm like that's fabulous, that's extra. Remember, it's extra as it's building. As long as you do that what you set your contract to do, your experiment was only one minute of this and five minutes of that. You did that.
Speaker 1:And now look at you. Now you're doing seven.
Speaker 2:Great, that's extra.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Because she was getting curious, and that was from somebody who didn't work out at all.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think it's interesting when you said to slow down, because my business coach always says slow down to speed up, like somebody. People want to go really, really fast and then they miss. You know, it's like traveling in a car and you know you have all the scenery on either side of you and you don't see any of it. I'm the kid that was always looking out the windows like, oh, what's over here, what's over here? But when you slow down, all of a sudden you start to think, wow, what are you thinking? How are you feeling after your one minute, 10 minutes, whatever.
Speaker 2:Are you?
Speaker 1:patting yourself on the back. Say yay me, Because if not, you should. So let's go into celebrating your progress. So how do? You tell your clients to celebrate their progress. What kind of things do they do? Do you have any examples of celebrating your progress?
Speaker 2:Well, here's the thing. And you keep repeating what do you tell your clients? And I love it because I get it. I understand you're a businesswoman. Coaches, don't tell. I just want people to know that I'm going to sound Yoda. The answer is in you. I ask the right questions, I listen, I listen, I listen for cues, I listen for what's interesting and I turn it back to them. Will this work? Will that work? What do you think of this? I get them to really be honest with themselves.
Speaker 2:You know, when I was a personal trainer and I never did answer your question in the very beginning how I evolved into this. But I was a personal trainer until COVID hit and then everything studios shut down because I would train at private studios and I would go to people's homes and I didn't want to go on Zoom because I was not an Instagram selfie kind of girl. But here we go, open the laptop, let's do it. And that's when people started. I'm going to get back to you on the celebrating. But people started asking me you know my boss isn't working out and you know my sister or whatever it's like. Well, do you want me to talk to them? So I would talk to them and I wasn't the kind of you know bootcamp, just do it. Blah, blah, blah. It's like I would talk to them and we would find well, try this, try that, just do this and set up yourself your little yoga space.
Speaker 2:In this one corner, a lot of women, powerful women what kind of? They felt, kind of what do you call it Self-conscious to work out at home? If the kids ran through or their partner was there, so we would find how well, how can you work out? When can you work out? Find time for yourself, because exercise just fell off their Google calendar. They were trying to either be the boss and be indispensable, or they were a team member and working for somebody and they wanted to be indispensable because there were a lot of layoffs.
Speaker 2:So that's how I became a life coach in 2021, because people were like you know, you really coach me well, and somebody said, ronnie, you should be a life coach. And I was like, oh, it's a life coach for like real housewives. And so I looked it up and I got serious and I saw like there were like 32 niches. When I looked at my first list of coaches menopause coach, mindset coach, relationship coach, divorce there were so many. I'm like okay, I'm. I'm the type of person when I want to understand something, I want to take it seriously. So I got certified and I'm still going up in the levels. Now I'm a master. But in the past year I've noticed the common thread maybe it's from my personal training days that the common thread through it all were habits. How do we make this easy? So I started reading about it. I had already been habit chaining for years. Now it's called habit stacking. Before then it was Pavlovian.
Speaker 2:Since the 1800s, chaining and linking a new action to something you already do, or habit stacking, whatever you want to call it. That is old, it's just new iterations of it. I decided to start reading more about it. It's like oh my God, there are habit coaches Now. The demand is really out there. Coaching, not therapy. You get a golf coach. If you want A golf pro, gets a golf coach. A baseball player, a pitcher, gets a pitching coach. It's more niched, it really is. That's how I evolved from a personal trainer to a life coach, to a master life coach. Now I'm a certified habit coach. Back to celebrating. I don't tell them what to do. I could give them suggestions if they're really stuck, like well, what do you think? And I'll give them other examples of whatever. But it's like what makes you feel good in the instant, you know, and then they find what they, what will make them feel good. Sometimes they have to like engage somebody else. Like they asked her husband celebrate me or yay me. And then their partner is going to be like yay, yeah.
Speaker 1:Be your biggest cheerleader, you know. Be your own cheerleader, you know.
Speaker 2:I think that's important, but don't exercise and think, well, my reward will be that ice cream. Right, exactly. So of course, we go through what will support you and celebrate you, and some people have you know, and routines are different than habits. That's really important because you've read, you know all our lives. You've read in Cosmo magazine, now online. It's like you know, once you lose those 10 pounds, reward yourself If you've worked out all week, go shopping or whatever. A little spa day, that's great. But those are routines. Habits support routines.
Speaker 2:Let's say you have a workout routine I'm sorry, I'm playing with a piece of paper, I'll drop it If you wonder what the heck that was a routine could be like. Okay, you work out three times a week and you do cardio twice a week, whatever that is. But that is not a habit, because you can change up that routine Like oh, today I feel like doing Zumba, tomorrow I feel like jogging, the next day I feel like going on a carto machine. The habit is usually about the same time, same place you know and you can be flexible with that.
Speaker 2:The habit is the actual working out, like you just said. The routine is different because that's flexible. Habits support your routines and then you can be flexible with them. Routines are not habits. Routines are made up of a series of habits and again, when you align your habits to your identity, that's how they stick. It's who am I. What do I want to do today? I don't care if the whole day has gone by. I'm going to do 10 minutes of whatever at night because you didn't let it go by. And it's not an obsession, it's not overworking or overtraining, it's not that it's like no, I'm going to do this and you're good with it. So we come up with how you want to reward yourself. It could be.
Speaker 2:I have this one girl again, call her girl. She's in her 30s, she just had a baby. She wants to start decluttering, but when she she's read the book, she's listened to the decluttering podcast and the place is a mess. I'm like you just had a baby, yeah, yeah, hello, I'm sorry, yeah. And she has two cats and a husband, okay.
Speaker 2:So we started with her five minutes of decluttering, and it doesn't matter what. It could be that. And also we started getting to one action where she takes off her clothes. She was in the habit of just dropping it on the floor and then she would get overwhelmed. So we started on her, take off that piece of clothing, smell it, either, put it on the hamper or hang it up or put a fold. Oh my God, she's in her 30s, that's 30 years of conditioning. So how are you going to celebrate it? She put up this little thing like for kids, like a Hello Kitty kind of thing, where you put a sticker on every day. So she has two stickers a day. She's really into it. That makes her feel good. She loves it and she was like, look, and she takes pictures with her phone. She's like look at my calendar. She likes those stickers. She's a grown out woman and now she's back at work, but she loves the feeling of putting those stickers because it's visible to her.
Speaker 1:She sees the stickers.
Speaker 2:Now you might think, yeah, but then you feel guilty if you don't put that damn sticker on. It's like no, you're just tracking again, going into the mindset, and that's where the coaching comes in, and we do talk about it. But whatever makes you feel good, now you have to be reasonable, like you're not going to take a drink at the end of the night to make yourself feel good. It's like what is your goal? Does that align with your goal? Is that what you value? You want a glass of wine? Awesome. Is that within your calorie count? Is that within your, your nutrition plan? Is that a lot? Is that what you value? Okay, so we look and see what will make you feel good and what is rewarding to you.
Speaker 2:A lot of people love celebrating in groups. That's why people join challenges. A lot of people love support groups on Facebook hey, I'm doing this. And they share Whatever works for you. That's the reward, but it has to be instant. So even if and this is the hardest one guys think it's silly when I bring it up, but they do it. They're a game. Women, I'm telling you from my experience and from what I know when I tell women, how about you look yourself in the eyeballs in the mirror as soon as you finish your workout and you praise yourself. They don't want to cat, isn't that interesting? They're like oh, that's silly. Can I just tell you something? They're afraid other people will see them or hear them if they're at the gym.
Speaker 1:Yes, who cares? Um, I have to tell you this real quick. So a couple years ago this was during covid I went into a clubhouse room and I would hear people talk and I kept going in there and one day I was feeling myself. I don't know. I was feeling good right, and I came up on stage.
Speaker 1:I think most people know what you mean by clubhouse, but just in case, the platform, the social media, the platform, yes, and so I came up on stage, I said my little piece and then I said you know what? This is the freaking fabulous cat Quartado signing off, right. I was feeling good that day. So picture another day. I came onto the clubhouse platform again, came up and said something, said by piece, and there was one woman who was now my business coach. She goes um, kat, I think you forgot to say something. And I'm like no, she goes. Yeah, she made me say I am the freaking fabulous Kat Corchado. I was in there. Here's the, here's the part. That's amazing. I start, I started saying it, I started believing it. So saying I'm the freaking fabulous Kat Corchado isn't about hey, here I am, look at me, that's for me.
Speaker 1:So when you said it, yes, and so when I finished my workout, I'm like I'm freaking fabulous. Yes, I am.
Speaker 2:Because when you first said it it actually came out naturally that's how you felt. So your chemicals in your brain remember that. They recall that because when you first said it that's how you felt Exactly.
Speaker 1:So it was real. Yes, before we go, let's talk about setbacks. Um, how do you, what is it that you, I don't want to say tell your clients, but what kind of suggestions do you have?
Speaker 2:I just don't want people to think that I tell you what to do, cause I don't want to say tell your clients, but what kind of suggestions do you have?
Speaker 1:I just don't want people to think that I tell you what to do because I don't. You know that deal. You know, when I have clients who say, oh, you know, I didn't work out this week, I'd be like that's okay, you have another week coming up. What are you going to do? How are you going to make it? How are you going to change it?
Speaker 2:Usually it change it. So usually it doesn't happen once. They're already coaching with me, because we decide in the beginning how much they're going to do. That's doable when doable when the very least the least common denominator, when they don't feel like it, when you're tired, when you're sleepy, when you're busy. So we usually pick something so small that it's still doable Now. So usually a whole week doesn't go by, unless they're traveling or something like that happens or they get sick. But setbacks, that's the mindset part and that's the thought work part we go through. I call it thought work.
Speaker 2:So when you feel something or no, your behavior, or your action or your reaction, your behavior, you didn't work out, what were you doing when you didn't work out. That's your behavior, whatever it was. Did you feel down? Were you just overwhelmed? What was the reason? Then we go how'd you feel? What was your emotion? Were you angry? Were you in despair? Were you sad? Were you depressed? Were you you joyful?
Speaker 2:Because they're the five basic emotions and then sub emotions come out of there. Were you joyful, angry, sad, despair, doubt, I'm sorry. Fear and doubt come together. So they have to really look at the main one. It's like, well, I was fearful of this, or I doubted myself. And well, why'd you doubt yourself? So you look at what you were feeling at that moment, that you just didn't go. Were you you angry about something? Are you rebelling? So then you get that emotion at that moment when you don't feel like doing it, and then you ask yourself, whatever that emotion was, why, what thought?
Speaker 2:Every emotion, no matter what, had a subliminal fast thought, even if it was lightning speed. There was a thought that went through your brain that made you feel that way. So what was that thought? What was I thinking? What am I thinking? And then you ask yourself is that 100% true? Is it fact? Usually it's not absolute fact. And then you can tell yourself something that's true, not Pollyanna positivity affirmations, click your ears, but a true fact that will neutralize that. You don't have to turn it 180 to make you feel great, I'm going to do it. No, I mean you can. But just give yourself a fact that will neutralize it. That changes your emotion.
Speaker 2:If you learn to do that, thought work really fast. It's like is that a fact? Even if you're still a little rebellious, it usually calms you down and you do a little, or you decide. That's when the conscious comes in. Okay, I'm just not going to do it today. But this is why and I know this is why and they usually end up doing it. But because when you calm down, it's like you usually end up doing it and you don't get set back the next day and you usually share it.
Speaker 2:And some people feel guilty and whatever at first and I talked them through it on Boxer that night. But they usually don't have that much of a slide back because you have that thought work in your back pocket and that's also why you have an accountability coach or partner or friend. That's also why you share it with people. You can't do it alone. You're not an island. Get help, get help, get help. That's what helps you. So when setbacks happen, they happen, and if it's out of your control like you got sick, you got the flu, whatever it- is Life happens.
Speaker 1:It's out of your control.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, you didn't fail. That was out of your control. What is your control? Did you do it? Did you?
Speaker 1:do it? Did you do it Even as that one tiny act? So that's how we deal with setbacks. Ronnie, this has been a fascinating conversation. Where can people find you if they need your?
Speaker 2:expertise. I love talking to people. So, yeah, let's connect. I used to be like I'll worry that people would think I want to sell them something right on our first consultation. No, no, no. You have to find the right coach for you. If you're ready to change your life and create something, change something or level up in some way, or you know you want that help, let's find out if I'm the person for you. Let's find out if you're the person for me and we'll talk. And if nothing else, we make a good connection. We're Facebook friends, whatever it is. So, yeah, hop on and let's take it to uniquely what it is you want to work on. So you can find me on social media I'm Ronnie Lowe, life Coach everywhere.
Speaker 2:Ronnie Lowe, life Coach on Instagram, on threads, all of that. Linkedin I love LinkedIn. That's where I found you. So I'm Ronnie Lowe, life Coach on LinkedIn, and my website I'm sure you'll have it in your show notes are www. That's so old school RonnieLoweLifeCoachcom. Ronnie Lowe, life Coachcom, and I would love to talk to you, and maybe you have a friend or sister or whatever who would you think? Oh, maybe you should talk to Ronnie. I love getting on the phone or on Zoom and talking to people.
Speaker 1:I think it's interesting to reiterate that. You know, regardless of you know, whether you're a coach or in fitness or whatever, that you know I'm not everyone's flavor and that's okay. But if you are my flavor, let's talk. You know, there's nothing wrong with having a conversation. So, ronnie, thank you so much for you know talking about all of this, how we can make habits. I love all of your messages. Just regenerate life, just regenerate life, thank you.