Sisters-in-Service
Are you a women veteran who feels unseen and unheard? Do you struggle with finding your purpose after service? Sisters-in-Service is a podcast that gives women veterans the platform to talk about those exact issues and more. Hear from other veterans, military spouses and Veteran Service Organizations (VSO) just like you that have overcome their transition from the military. Every Tuesday this podcast encourages women veterans to stand up and be counted because as a group we have a voice. From your host - Cat Corchado - The Voice Connecting Women Veterans
Sisters-in-Service
From Air Force Veteran to Personal Brand Expert: Rochelle Slay's Journey of Resilience and Empowerment
Do you ever wonder how military veterans discover new purpose in civilian life? Explore the journey of Rochelle (Slay) Hemingway, a remarkable 30-year Air Force veteran who transitioned into a personal brand expert and leadership consultant. Rochelle shares her inspiring story, from her serendipitous entry into the Air Force to the pivotal moments that defined her distinguished career. Learn about the critical role her husband played in navigating the uncertainties of retirement and the importance of having a solid support system during such significant life changes.
Rochelle opens up about the emotional challenges faced by veterans during their transition to civilian life and the quest for purpose post-retirement. Discover the therapeutic power of physical activity in managing disempowering thoughts and how acknowledging past achievements helps reclaim self-worth. Rochelle also addresses the initial isolation felt by female veterans and the overwhelming resources available, likening it to an endless bread aisle.
From military service to entrepreneurship, Rochelle's story is one of resilience and adaptability. She talks about the creation of "Slate of Success" and emphasizes the significance of embracing one's unique path. Explore the importance of balancing assertiveness with sensitivity, recognizing the extensive skill sets veterans bring to civilian jobs, and the courage it takes to leave toxic job environments. With empowering advice on personal branding, Rochelle urges women, especially female veterans, to recognize their worth and pursue new opportunities with confidence.
Welcome everyone to another episode of Sisters in Service. You know me, I'm your host, kat Corchado, and today my special guest is Rochelle Slay, queen Hemingway. She is the CEO and founder of Slay to Success LLC, where she empowers women in executive leadership roles and those transitioning from a 20 plus year career to build and step into their memorable personal brands. She is a sought after professional keynote speaker, self-published author of Slated Success, leadership and image consultant, personal brand expert. And if that isn't enough, yes, y'all, she's a 30-year Air Force veteran. Whoop, whoop. So she does all the things. Air Force Mafia in the house. That's for my friend Jeffrey, who is a Marine. He's always like oh, air Force.
Speaker 2:Mafia, oh I know Well.
Speaker 1:Welcome, Rochelle, it's nice to have you. Thank you.
Speaker 2:Nice for you to invite me to your show. I am absolutely so. I don't even know humbled is not the word really but it's more grateful that I'm here to share and to inspire, and to inspire.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. I think it's important for veterans to help other veterans, whether it's promoting a book, whether it's promoting them in their business. You know no one's going to help you. You know you as a veteran except another veteran because we know where you've been, absolutely and and we can totally understand that. So for those of you listening, I was looking at Rochelle's bio and it was funny. She was born in England, lake and Heath, england, and I was born in England but my father was also stationed in Lake and Heath into the military in Kokomo, indiana and I went into the Air Force in Fort Wayne Indiana. I was like, wait, what Are we related? And we didn't even know.
Speaker 2:Hey, this is in parallel with Sisters in Service, right, it's a whole thing.
Speaker 1:Exactly so, Ms Rochelle. Did you pick the Air Force, or did the Air Force pick you?
Speaker 2:I say, initially the Air Force picked me for sure. I went into the recruiter's office and I was there for a buddy program and my girlfriend she wanted both of us to go into the service, but she got pulled over to the army. I got pulled over to the air force, so they picked me based on my scores, Um, and that's kind of how it went. Um, so, yeah, it's, it's kind of funny that you would ask that question, Um, and I'm I, for you know a lot of people who may be like, oh my goodness, you know that's a lot. Well, it was exactly what I needed at that time. Exactly what I needed. I was just that type of girl that was not paying attention to grades in college and I was having a good old time with my girlfriends.
Speaker 1:You're like wait, something needs to change yeah something needs to change.
Speaker 2:And when my girlfriend said buddy program, I was like, oh well, tell me more. I don't even know what you're talking about. And I came home, signed papers, put it on the dining room table as we all had a table that we all sat around and ate, and all I heard was my dad calling me from upstairs Get down here, Rochelle. What is this on the table?
Speaker 1:You knew that was coming.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I was like I'm out of here. I'm out of here. Oh yeah, I was like I'm out of here, I'm out of here.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's funny you said that because I always knew I was going to go in the Air Force because I needed familiarity and the Air Force, having grown up in the Air Force, it was familiar to me as a dependent. Yeah, when people you know say, well, what you know, did you think about another service? And I said, well, I almost wanted to go in the Navy because I saw them in their dress whites.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 1:I was like, yes, and the recruiter goes you know, they hardly ever wear those, right. I said, well, what's their everyday uniform? And he showed it to me.
Speaker 2:I was like, oh no, we're not doing that we about the fashion Okay, like that is not going to work for us.
Speaker 1:I'm like, no, no, no, I'll stay in my lane. Thank you very much. So, rochelle, how was your? You know you did 30 years and what I found, and still find, very interesting is that everyone has a hard time with transition, but the longer you're in the service I 30 plus years, regardless of what service you were in that's been your family for. I mean, marriages don't even last that long. I know A lot of friendships don't last that long. Clothes don't last that long. So when you get out, did you feel lost? I mean, take us through this path of when you were about to get out, were you freaking out? Were you like, yeah, I got this, and then you didn't get it? You know how was it for you? I was freaking out.
Speaker 2:I was totally freaking out. So my husband also served for 30 years and he retired about a year and a month before I retired. So we're in South Dakota, you know I'm doing, you know my role, and he's back doing some planning and so forth and I wasn't really paying attention until like the last three months of my career and you know he was just like where are we going to live? You know, have you thought about? You know what this transition is going to look like? Like what do you want to do? He had already had a plan for what he wanted to do because he had time to think about it and it was during COVID. So the pandemic really allowed him to really craft what he wanted to do and he was working on his resume and all the things. And I just looked at him with deer in the headlights, just looking at him like what are we doing?
Speaker 1:What?
Speaker 2:are we doing? And it hit me like a ton of bricks, like you about to retire after serving 30 years and you don't. You don't know what you doing, you have nothing prepared. And I was just. I was out there and then one of my mentors I actually two mentors, but my first mentor who called me. He said, hey, um, just want you to know that when you get out, no one cares about a chief, nobody cares about all the things, acronyms and all this other stuff. So you need to start shifting your mindset and changing your language on how you are speaking, because it's a different world. You're going to be dropped on a different planet. You were head down in a bubble doing your job and a lot has changed in three decades, okay, things that you have no clue about until you find out when you get dropped off on this planet. And I said okay. Then I had another mentor called me and he says you know, you should really write a book about your experience because you know not, a lot of women, especially Black women, have served for 30 years and create kind of this, you know picture of this successful woman. You know everything's on top. You need to really express that right. So I took both of their advices and when I started to really put pen to paper and write, that's when my transition started to happen.
Speaker 2:And it was again a few months before I retired and I allowed my husband to take control and I am a very type A control freak and I allowed him to find out where we were going to live. You know, pick the house. He flew out here to Maryland because we were in COVID constrictions and I couldn't go anywhere because I was active duty. And he went in virtually and panned around in the house and I was just like, okay, and so I just continued to write out, you know, and use that time to decompress just a little bit.
Speaker 2:But I really knew my turning point was when I was in my closet. I was unpacking my boxes, I was hanging things up on the hanger and I saw a bunch of like uniforms, cargo pants, polo shirts that I had collected over the years, that they made us wear. You know that you had to be in and I just lost it. I completely lost it because I'm like all of this has boiled down to me being in a closet. I don't even know what I'm doing, I don't know why we're here and my husband's like, you need to calm down.
Speaker 1:Well, you were mourning your service. That's what people don't tell us. Is that you know you're mourning your service? You've been a collective for so long. Now. It's just me myself and I. And I mean if someone had come to me and said, you know, explain who you are and don't use veteran, don't use air force, don't use your rank, I would have just looked at you like I don't know.
Speaker 2:I had no idea and it and again, like you said, no one shares that with you. You know they go through taps and you do your administrative work and they get you out quickly with the administrative. But the emotional phases, and it's a journey and I had to know that I needed to express these feelings that I had. I didn't need to bottle them up, feelings that I had, I didn't need to bottle them up. I started to journal a lot like almost every day because I was so sad. I was like, oh God, I don't know what we're doing out here. Do we have enough money? That was the other thing I was so used to. The paycheck, yeah oh girl Right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh, girl, right, oh, that 15th first of the month. I can swear we were desolate, if you asked me we were broke and we were bankrupt.
Speaker 2:You know it was like my husband's. Like I'm going to need you to calm down. I said we're not getting paid regularly. Like there was a time period where you didn't get paid at all Cause they doing the audit. Like there was a time period where you didn't get paid at all because they joined the audit. So you know, I was so used to, you know, buying things and living the lifestyle that I did in the military that I just didn't even matter. But then here we are, I'm like, oh yeah, I can't be spending money because I really don't have the monies for my discretionary, because you know we have had saved savings and so forth and you know investments, but that wasn't part of the spending everyday stuff. So, yeah, that that, all these changes at one time just had me going in here, the anxiety.
Speaker 1:Well, you just feel like your feet aren't on the ground. You feel like you're just doing this free fall, like you're just you're floating around, you don't know where you belong, you're straddling two, two different worlds. This is how I, I pictured myself was. One was in the military world and one was in the, you know, civilian world. And I I even now my husband laughs at me I could go to a base. It could be a Marine base, yeah, and I'll be on the base going. Yep, these are my people. I feel so comfortable on a base, oh yeah. And so the and we had moved. Because we were in South Carolina at the time, we moved to Massachusetts, where they're the closest base, was like five hours away. So nobody was military related, with the exception of my father-in-law who was an army ranger during the Vietnam war. And so you know, as women you know, we didn't talk about it.
Speaker 2:We didn't. And the other thing is there's not, you know, the symbolism of a man. A man wears their hat, put pins on it, and they have jackets, and they have it on the back of wherever they were deployed to and patches and all the things Right. And as women, we typically don't do that.
Speaker 1:It doesn't go with our decor. It doesn't. It doesn't with our decor. It doesn't, it doesn't. I got my stilettos on. Somehow that head just does to me and it's like what?
Speaker 2:No, and so there's no identity. If you will, and people don't recognize you when you're on the street as, oh, there goes a veteran you know, or whatnot, so you can easily get to the what am I doing? I don't even think I know who I am anymore. Oh, yes, I just. I don't feel I'm worthy, I don't feel like I have anything to give, I don't have the value and appreciation as I did because people were calling me, you know, sergeant, or you know whatever the title was, and now you're just Rochelle.
Speaker 1:You're just Rochelle. Yeah, you're not. You know, yeah, I think it's. It's really interesting that you know for a long time and I got out in 2000, april 1st 2000. And I remember we're in Massachusetts and 9-11 happened. We were right in Boston.
Speaker 1:I worked right in Boston at the time you go through, and it's been a month or so, and people were putting these little flags on their cars. I don't know if they did this everywhere, but it was some kind of fundraiser or whatever. We were going to the grocery store and there was a guy outside selling these flags. He said would you like to buy a flag? And I said no, and he goes. Well, what did you do for your country? And I said I did 20 years for my country. And I walked into the store and I was, I was livid, I was mad. I looked at my husband. I said did you hear what he said? And he goes. Yeah, I said and I thought should we buy a flag? He goes, we don't have anything to prove. He said we wore the uniform. Yeah, and then it started me thinking why am I hiding it? Well, number one, there was no one to talk to about it. Another female yeah, and you know, at that time you had getting out of the military.
Speaker 2:There was LinkedIn and a resume.
Speaker 1:Writer, and that was it. That's all you got right. You're like okay, good luck. And the difference now is that there's so many things out there, it's like. It's like going into the bread department at a grocery store and you just look at it and you go where do I begin? If I have too many choices, I'm going to choose nothing.
Speaker 2:That's me.
Speaker 1:That's me, and so I think it's a lot better now. It's just different. It's like drinking from a fire hose now, but I feel as though no one told me to get connected, and I don't even know if there were groups I'm sure there were, I just wasn't aware of them to other women veterans no one tells you this so you feel like you are going through this by yourself. You're not, but that's how it feels, and it's lonely. It's a lonely place to be.
Speaker 2:It is, you know. Uh, I'll tell you one other thing that I did, and it was. It was like the wacky. You know, there goes the wacky neighbor. Okay, so I cause I didn't know what to do with myself, right, and even though I had started writing the book, I didn't publish it until, you know, a year later or so. My day consisted of okay, cause I work out every day. So I, I at least, did that, right. But then it was like, you know, husband's at work, son is at school, what am I doing? I'd walk around the neighborhood like a crazy person. I would like, you know, just take like two hour walks in the morning. I'd work out in the morning, then start going out and walking, then go in the evening and then walk in. I had all these thoughts in my head that I could not sort out. It was the craziest thing. So I think for at least three or four months straight that's what I was doing, and I know the neighbors were like what are you doing?
Speaker 1:Well, do you think, though, looking back, that it actually helped you to sort some of that stuff in your head? It did yeah, because the only reason I say that is when I'm stuck on something or I'm trying to make a decision, and then I work out and afterwards I go yes, that's the answer, right there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I knew I had this bottled up energy and I had all these and they were disempowering thoughts. You know, like you're not good enough. What are you doing? You can't do anything. You retired at 49. You're going to be 50 in a few months. You know it was all of that.
Speaker 1:Who wants you? Who wants you yeah?
Speaker 2:Like what, what? You know, you're not a spring chicken, you know, and, and, and I just had to work through those. I, I didn't want to dismiss them, I wanted to acknowledge them and I wanted to counteract. I wanted to acknowledge them and I wanted to counteract. So, you know, when a thought kind of popped up in my head, I thought about all the accomplishments that I had up until that point.
Speaker 2:I'm like I did that, like what are we doing in here, you know, and? And so I had to look back at my, my experiences and where I went, who I, who I had the honor to serve with. I mean, it was a whole lot of things that I started to recalling and I was like, okay, rochelle, okay, you know well.
Speaker 1:I think it's important that the one thing that, as women, what we don't do is we get something done, we go the next thing, get that done, we go the next thing. We get that done, we go the next thing, and when something gets really hard, we think I don't think I can get through this. But if you look back 10, 15, 20 plus years ago, there are times in your life if you had a timeline you could probably circle ooh, it was really hard there.
Speaker 1:Oh, it was really hard there, but yet you're here to talk about it if you got through that, you can get through this and we don't remember that. And especially coming out of the military, you know I thought I you know, I tell people this all the time I was a first round draft pick. I was like, coming out there, I'm expecting companies to throw contracts at me. We want you you know, yeah, and I didn't get squat. Oh yeah, I didn't get a thank you very much, but no, thank you, I did get a few of what do they say? Oh, I'm overqualified, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm overqualified 20 years.
Speaker 1:Yes, I'm overqualified. Give me the you know, the chance to refuse it. Say do you want this? You know, and I think it. It you start to say, well, you know, that's when those what do they call it? Self-fulfilling prophecy or whatever, what do they call it when you start to, it starts to just cut down on your confidence a little bit, a little bit at a time, until something happens. And one of the things I love about us as veterans, especially female veterans, is that we're like whoop, let me just quick pivot here, let me go over here. This looks like a great road, let me go down this road Absolutely. And I think that that sounds like what you did. And so I want to ask you a question is after you went through this and you started to see the light, is that when you started to create Slate of Success, and was that your inspiration for that?
Speaker 2:So I had created my own personal brand before I retired Ooh, girl, that was smart Without really recognizing it. So Slay was a symptom, if you will, or an afterthought, when one of my airmen, he lost his battle with depression and we were very close and his favorite word was slay. So he would come into my office, you know, and he was like you know, chief, you be slaying it out here, and I didn't even know. You know, I'm 40. So I'm like what are the young people saying? I don't even know.
Speaker 2:So, you know, after he passed away and I didn't get to attend his funeral or his memorial service, because three days later I was deployed to Kuwait and Jordan. So while I was there, I was broken. I was, you know, thinking about the conversations that we were having. It kind of got to me. Then I thought about the word slay and it kept popping up in my head while I was there, and I actually looked it up while I was on the deployment. And it means to kill it, to dominate it and to nail it, to be on point, to impress greatly and to dream big and work hard until you own it. Ooh, I love that. And so I heard him in my head like you've been slaying it. You've been doing all these things up to that point and when I deployed, I think I was at my 25th year, 26th year of service, which was the hardest thing because I was the oldest, one of the oldest people out there.
Speaker 2:I was the oldest, one of the oldest people out there and I was responsible for two locations, one in Jordan, one in Kuwait, and they're about 800 miles between each other. So I was either flying commercially or military aircraft and scariest thing you know and all the things were happening at that time and I really thought about the word and I said you know, there's more to this word and I don't know exactly what it is, but I'm just going to just channel the energy. I'm just going to channel the energy. When I came back from the deployment, I started using it on emails. You know that I had. I would be at commander's call and of course, you know, as a chief, I had to get up and talk a lot. So I said and we're going to be out here in the name of Airman Brooks and we are going to slay it, and the audience, you know, every time would just erupt, you know. And I said okay.
Speaker 2:So, while it is, while I was on deployment too, I was called and said hey, you're going to be on the short list to fill a role as a command chief. And when I came back I had an interview and I said you know what I'm going to prepare for this interview and I'm going to let them know what SLAY means, what I'm going to prepare for this interview and I'm going to let them know what SLAY means, and it's going to stand for some philosophies that I've done. So that's where the stay ready, be ready, lead out loud a sense of community, a sense of family, and you are built to last. And that became the motto for what I was doing in that role. And then now, as I'm in the business, but leading up to that, I was doubting myself on whether or not to use that in my transition. I just didn't. I didn't know how to articulate it in such a way where people on the outside you know, here in this new planet I'm on would actually understand and would get behind.
Speaker 1:Well, I think we're also. We're afraid to be judged. Yes, that we're going to be judged for it, yes. And then you get to a point where you're just like I don't care anymore, because you're going to attract your tribe and not everyone's going to, you're not everybody's flavor, and but that's okay. Yeah, because the people that are attracted to you is your tribe.
Speaker 2:And they're going to slay right along with you. That's right, and you know so I I started, you know I finished my book. So I I started, you know I finished my book. One of the things that I really wanted to to have is my self-published book before my dad passed away. So he passed away. And here's another thing of this transition right, your, your parents, have aged while you've been in service.
Speaker 1:You forget about that, don't you?
Speaker 2:And you forget about it, oh man.
Speaker 1:I'm so glad you said service. You forget about that, don't you? And you forget about it. Oh man, I'm so glad you said that.
Speaker 2:You forget. And they came to. You know they were. They were healthy enough to get to my retirement ceremony, Right, and as I'm looking at them in the audience I can see how they aged. And I was like, oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:And a few months later my dad passed away and his health was failing. But his goal was to get to my retirement ceremony and see me on that stage. And so when he passed away I had decided, like a few weeks before, that I was going to enroll in my degree, my master's degree program. I was like I don't have, you know, a master's degree. Let me, just because I got all kinds of time on my hands, Let me just do something.
Speaker 2:The day he passed away was the first day of my master's degree program. Oh, wow. And for me it was a sign. It was like you know what, Even though it's the end of his life, it is the beginning of this legacy that you're going to carry for the family. And I kind of took that on because I'm the oldest legacy that you're going to carry for the family. And I kind of took that on because I'm the oldest and he, you know, he was in the military for 23 years and he loved that me and my husband were able to do it and that we were equally yoked, meaning we both made chief, and that we were doing it in our own individual rights but we were collectively doing it together. So I took all these different scenarios, I finished my book, I published it, I finished my degree, I started the business Slate to Success, and from that I am in control. I feel like this is what I'm supposed to be doing for this season. I'm involved in a lot of different activities networking, events.
Speaker 2:I've met people with so many interesting lives and I'm a free bird, you know. I feel like I can go here or there, and I'm open to learn and it's okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's important though, cause a lot of people. You know they're like oh, I'm too old to know that. You know, when you start to close yourself off from learning, and I always tell people I'm a lifelong learner and I don't care who's got the information.
Speaker 2:You know if I can learn something.
Speaker 1:I'm like oh okay, I didn't know that. Thank you.
Speaker 2:Yes, and I think too, when you have a business cause I you know, they don't teach you anything about business when you're in service, unless you have had, you know, a side hustle or doing something like that while you were in service, Right, and I had to. I had to be like in this learning mode, like you don't know nothing. You go into these classes and they prove that I don't know nothing and you know every day. You have to give yourself grace and understand that, even though somebody's been doing this for because they didn't do 30 years of service and you haven't done 30 years of business, so it's going to take time, Right, you know so you have to be, you have to start at the beginning.
Speaker 1:Yes, you know, you're back in first grade again. Yes, you know, and sometimes that's hard for people to do that and I think that when you let me ask you this question so you get out, you start to get some clarity, the slate of success. You're going back to school, you're starting to see your path form in front of you.
Speaker 1:What kind of soft skills from the military did you bring into your business? Because we forget about those, yeah, and a lot of civilian organizations yes, I still call people civilians because they are they don't recognize those soft skills. So what kind of skills did you bring from the military that you didn't realize you had into? Either you know getting your master's, or maybe even just you know your business.
Speaker 2:So I really discovered that I have a lot of self-discipline. Now they teach you discipline in the military, you know, but self-discipline is different. This is all about you leading yourself Right, and I discovered that I have that skillset Like I'm very strong in that I, if I'm taught a certain skill in a class or whatnot, I take from that and I implement. I don't wait on it. I still wake up every day and work out which I feel like that's a huge part of why I'm able to do all the many things that I have.
Speaker 1:That's one self-discipline.
Speaker 2:One self-discipline and I'm consistent. You know I started out with the brand before I retired, but now, in this transition, in this retirement or entrepreneurship that I am in, I'm very consistent with the messaging and I understand now who I am.
Speaker 2:That's so important. It's so important, Like my purpose, like I have a sense of purpose. Now I can work all day and not even realize what time it is. There are times where I just go into my mode and I'm like, oh you know, or I'm out and about and my husband will text me like, are you good?
Speaker 1:Hello.
Speaker 2:I'm good he's like you must be having a good time. I said I am he's like you must be having a good time.
Speaker 1:I said I am, you know. What else I think is important is you know we get to. You know we've had a career, we're young enough to come out and do whatever we want. But somewhere in there you start to kind of realize that you're kind of cool, you know, you're like I like me, I like who I am, and I think that makes it easier for you to not be swayed. You know, because some people are like, oh, that's slay, that's stupid. And you're like, oh, okay, whatever you say but you keep it moving.
Speaker 1:Right, and I think that's. I think sometimes you have to understand, like you said, who you are as an individual. That's right, and say okay, I don't like this about me, that's okay, change it. Yeah, I don't like the fact that I'm working nine to five Okay, change it, you can do that. And so I think it's important to know that. You know like I like me. I hang out with me.
Speaker 2:And you know. And then when you say that you know, people are not really, you know, maybe not as explorative and figuring out what those things are that most fitting to them. And I just kind of made a little soft list, like I like all these things and I don't like any of these things you know because you know, in the military again, it's very structured and there are certain ways that we've had to go about our day and I'm like, well, I don't necessarily like waking up at 4.30 in the morning every morning.
Speaker 2:Stretch that you know. I don't like to wear my hair pulled back and put in a bun every day, you know. So let me, you know, explore some of these hairdos. You know, and I've got so many ways to do that I don't like any of these clothes. So I'm just going to go take a walk in the mall and I'm just going to, you know, make a list of the things that I think are really neat, you know, like trendy or not, but you know, these are options that now we can kind of go through and are they fitting for the core values that you want now? Because core values in the military, you take on their core values, you know.
Speaker 1:Right, you have a choice or you get out Like well, there's my career. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2:But now here's an opportunity for you to really figure out are those in alignment with what you want to become in this next chapter?
Speaker 1:I think with clothes too, it's you know, and like anything else it has to make you. It has to make me feel a certain way, like when I wear something, and I feel amazing in it. Or my favorite color, purple amazing in it yes, yes, or my favorite color, purple.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:I put purple on and I'm just like you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:I'm just like, yes, I am a pink queen, so I usually typically wear all out pink when I'm out and about, and that's what people recognize me about. The other thing that I started to do some more research in and I got a certification is image consultant, because when we were in the military, there was a certain image that we portrayed and I loved all of the things appearance, behaviors, our communication skills and our presence. But what does that look like in the civilian, you know, in the, in the world where there's not, I don't know. It's undervalued, it's undervalued.
Speaker 1:Oh, and what does business casual mean? I just need to know Exactly. You know, you come out of the military and they're like, oh, just business casual. I'm like, uh, okay, yeah, okay, jeans and a nice top.
Speaker 2:So I am enjoying helping you know other women to understand these nuances and how to translate that when you're coming out of a well-defined boxed in type of setting or environment, and they're like oh so you know, I'm like, I'm a personal brand expert. I have branded myself like no other. Like in it gives you opportunities. You know I I speak a lot, I go on a lot of speaking engagements throughout the DMV, dc, maryland, virginia area because people know what they're going to get and they know that my brand is very consistent.
Speaker 2:Your message is consistent, Message is consistent, and so they're like hey, can you come here, Can you come there? And even if I don't get paid, as in the you know the money aspect, there's another paid without a money attached to it to it. That is allowing me to be a lot more comfortable in who I am and what I'm doing Exactly. So you meet so many new people and the opportunities to go to places like I'm going to a courthouse next week.
Speaker 1:I had never been in any courthouse Because we were yeah, if you were in a courthouse and you were in the military, that's not a good place to be. So let me ask you this question what are some common challenges women face when transitioning to new careers, and how do you help them overcome those?
Speaker 2:So you know that's. I'm glad you asked that question because I'm actually working with three clients right now. They all have different stories, but one of them in particular went into corporate from the military and they actually resigned what? Maybe a few weeks ago? Because the way they approached it and went in. So they went in with the mindset like the military. You know how we are. We are problem solvers, fixers of everything. We take control. You give us all the things and leave us alone, okay.
Speaker 2:We are going to handle this, unless somebody comes in there and says, hey, hey, hey, we're not doing that, but let's do something else. Right is the dollar all right, the dollar bill, the revenue all right. And there's not the you know for her particular situation, the camaraderie or the esprit de corps. You know, like the team, it wasn't necessarily like that she was viewed as a threat, oh yes, yes, I've heard that.
Speaker 1:Yes, so like you need to stop being so efficient. Yes, that's what they told us.
Speaker 2:And they told her they were. You know she was making them look bad. Right, she was making the person that was in charge look bad, and you know she didn't come in with the. You know, take your time. You know you need to go with the flow, learn what everyone is doing and how they doing it, and you know kind of just sit back, be friends with everybody.
Speaker 1:Yes, I mean, even when we get out of the military, we still have a mission, right? What's the mission? You know, and I remembered when my dad got out. He retired on a Friday. He did 22 years in the Air Force. He went to work for what is now called Boeing. It used to be called McDonnell Douglas.
Speaker 2:That Monday and worked for them, and so I thought, oh, that's what you do.
Speaker 1:So I got a management job and I remember I was doing this meeting. I was, you know, handling it. I thought it went well and my boss goes well. You know, that's the wrong font, right, right, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:And everyone was quiet you know, and I thought no, yeah, no, no, no, I'm not doing this. And I didn't, yeah, which is when I pivoted and went right into the, the, you know, into um, into fitness. But I, it's, it's, we still have that mission and we just do what's our mission, get this done, boom, what's next? Boom, what's next?
Speaker 2:No one you know not as a man be Pamby.
Speaker 1:Oh you, you spoke too harshly to Mary or whoever. And they're like what you know, I I don't have. You know, I had this conversation with someone about handholding that we have to handhold people. Okay, I'm going to be 67 this year. My handholding days are over.
Speaker 2:They're over.
Speaker 1:Okay, Now, I'm, I'm not mean, I'm not, you know, and I and I I mean to be in the fitness industry. You have to have some semblance of understanding, Right? But when someone's like, oh, I can't because it hurts, I'm like, okay, I can only take a few of those before we're like, look, what are we doing here? We're going to do this or we're not going to do this. You tell me which one we're doing.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry y'all that might've come out harsh, but I'm sorry Okay.
Speaker 1:I'm too old to be going through this stuff because I'm trying to get stuff done. But you know, you just get to a point where you know you're like I'm trying to get something done and when that happens, and then it happens again and it happens again, then you kind of go, okay, something needs to change, Yep, and what are you going to do? At that point, and I, and the one thing again with veterans, we're like, okay, I'm going over there. Right, we're not afraid to be like I'm leaving this and I'm going over there where some people will stay in a career that they hate for years, which is really sad.
Speaker 1:That's a sad place to be.
Speaker 2:Yeah, especially when you've given service and you sacrifice so much Right, and then to just settle for an environment where you know it's unhealthy, it's toxic. People aren't looking out for your best interests and you're not enjoying the fruits of your labor. You know so you should be doing that. And so when my client, she just said I resigned, she had no plan, she just said I can't do that. She's got family, you know, and she's got some you know responsibilities. But she said her mental health is of most importance to her and she is choosing that and I.
Speaker 2:We are celebrating, so I'm now working her. So when she does decide to go back into the corporate setting, at least she will have an idea of how to speak up in a way where it is not like stepping on people's toes, if you will, or given the sense that they don't know about her. She didn't disclose some information about herself because she didn't feel like that was any of their business, and when things started popping up, they started to use that against her and I said well, you should share not everything, so maybe about 85% of what you got going on.
Speaker 2:So, they will have a better understanding. You got a one year old. You got a five year old. They get sick. You know those kinds of things happen. But it's a kind of a similar way where you would do in the military but in a, but you understand that they may not quite get it, but you got to work through that.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:So we are, we are working towards, but I think that was one. And I and I think the other one is the value. Yes, yes.
Speaker 2:So we we undercut ourselves all day long, we we low ball all the time, all the time, and you not even thinking about all those situations where you had to figure it out and you turn sour lemonade into sweet lemonade all the time. And so when you are now putting a price tag to that, that's when the confusion comes up and it's like don't be confused. Okay, you are, you have done. There's a lot of transferable skills that equate to the bottom line, and so add on tax, add on 20%, if you think you know. Hey, I got a number. I always tell my clients add 20 more percent to that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, and it's hard for us because we we don't like talking about ourselves.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and as an entrepreneur.
Speaker 1:You have to, you have, we don't like, you know, putting our numbers out there Like I'm worth this, yeah, even though in our brain we know that, but we're like, oh well, maybe they won't, somebody won't pay, some people won't yeah, but what? If someone does, then what? That's right.
Speaker 2:You know? And then they'll say well, you should have asked for more money.
Speaker 1:We were willing to give you more money. You didn't ask for it. So here you are with what you asked for Exactly, and so let me ask you one last question. Sure, so you're an entrepreneur, you have a family. How do you balance being an entrepreneur life, your entrepreneurial life, with your family life, and what kind of tips do you have to that help you?
Speaker 2:Well, okay, Number one tip when your family tells you hey, you're out a lot. What are we doing? Which has happened to me, you know, like we haven't seen you all day. You okay.
Speaker 2:Then I know that's a code for you might need to spend a little bit more time with the family. So, because I'm in this season where I'm in this journey and my husband is working and my son is at school, I have the latitude between you know 830 when my son gets on the bus until you know 4.30 when he gets off the bus. My husband gets back at four. Cutoff time for me is usually about five. You know they're decompressing, they're winding down, they want to share about their day and you know they want to hear what I've been doing, even though they don't. You know, sometimes I just think they just say that.
Speaker 1:They just say that right, no, okay yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay, I'll just, I'll just take it, you know, and then you know they settle down, we eat, and then they go on about, you know, doing whatever they want to do for the evening, and then I get back into the business if I have some admin things, because I am a solo entrepreneur.
Speaker 1:So I like to say my team is me myself and I. That's right.
Speaker 2:We are busy at work and I usually cut off. So one of the things too is, when it's bedtime, cut off. So one of the things too is, when it's bedtime, it's bedtime. No more of staying up two and three o'clock in the morning trying to burn the midnight oil, trying to get something done. It's not that serious, not that deep. I want to still be married to my husband. We've been married for over 20 years and we managed to do that while we were in the military and I still want us to have a relationship that we can actually enjoy each other. So at nine o'clock we are winding down and we are all in the bed no later than 10 o'clock, and then on the weekend I reserve Saturday. So if I have something in the morning, which is fine, I could do the morning thing, because my husband goes, gets his haircut, my son he likes to go and play with his friends, but then we come back about two or three o'clock in the afternoon and we do things together, that's nice.
Speaker 2:We watch a movie noon and we do things together, that's nice. We watch a movie, I mean, that's a thing. We watch a movie at night. So that way we can, you know, come together, do family activity and you know, and it's been able to work like that we go to church together, that's one of the things. On Sunday we go on a church. So I think you can build these things in and communication is so important it. You know we are communicators in the military. We've communicated for you know all the things, but in a relationship, especially because relationship after military service is different.
Speaker 1:I'll just tell you right now it just like with anything.
Speaker 2:We had a lot of TDYs, deployments and things that we were separated from that. Now we're really getting to know one another.
Speaker 1:So you're together all the time.
Speaker 2:So my husband's out of town, you know he goes for his job and you know that that's refreshing because it's like we get our time together. I get time alone with AJ, you know our son, and that's important. It's important still to have that built in. But we've came to, you know, conclusion communicate where are you going? I have to drop a pin wherever I'm traveling. There's no just get up and just go, just go Right, you know. So he wants to make sure that I'm not out and caught up somewhere because there's a lot of things happening in the area that you know.
Speaker 2:It's just not for a woman to be involved in.
Speaker 1:I know that my husband and I we always you know cause I get up early for clients and he will always get up with me and he always gives me a big hug and always says I love you and be careful, you know, and we do that for each other you know, because you never know anymore.
Speaker 1:You know, and I think I'm going to add one thing to that is if you're embarking on being an entrepreneur, you're already knee deep in it is. Take some time for you, oh, yes. Whether it's a walk by yourself, whether it's a bubble bath, whatever that is for you, yes, and put it on your calendar, yes. So I'm going to say this I have what I call Catitude Day. I love it.
Speaker 1:Catitude Day is on Sunday. Nothing interferes with Catitude Day. My husband will be like oh he, can you put some wash? I'm like you see, it's Catitude Day, right, I may get to it, I may not get to it. So that's my day to do it Now, if I feel like doing it, sure.
Speaker 2:Right, okay, right.
Speaker 1:But it's, it's my choice to do it. You know yes, and yes, so, rochelle, this has been such an inspiring conversation. Where can people find you? If they need you for image consulting, or or anything else, where can they find you? They need you for image consulting or anything else, where can they find you?
Speaker 2:Well, every day. They can find me in LinkedIn, all right, so that is the platform that I usually post in, and I'm also on Instagram at the slay boss, lady, lady. I can be found on Facebook Rochelle Hemingway, with one M. I am also on YouTube. I have a YouTube channel. I have two talk shows, so you can watch me all that at all. You know the episodes that are going on in there. I have a website at wwwslay2successcom and you can find more information about me there as well.
Speaker 1:And what's the name of your book and where can people find it?
Speaker 2:So the name of the book is Slay to Success, and this is the copy of this book. But since we've talked, I've published two more books.
Speaker 1:Of course you have, of course I have.
Speaker 2:So here's my, of course, I have. Okay, this is what you do, y'all. If you have nothing else to do, you come see me and I'll have you be publishing five and six books at one time. So this is Own your Power. This is a memorable personal branding for women over 40. If you want to gain opportunities and you're like I don't want to feel invisible anymore, all right, this is one of those. And then I have another one and I'm not reaching over, but it's another book called Elevate your Image, and that can also be found on Amazon and that's for anybody. It could be for anyone under the age of 40, a man, you know, anyone who's looking to elevate their impact through their image to elevate their impact through their image.
Speaker 1:Well, rochelle, thank you so much for being a guest on Sisters in Service, and for those of you listening, I hope you learned a little bit. If you're a female veteran and you're feeling as though you're being invisible, you're not invisible. I see you, rochelle sees you and you're not alone, but also know what it is you want to do. Who are you If you don't have the uniform on? That's what you need to figure out. And then what do you want to do? The door is open, and even if you think it's closed, it's not locked. All you have to do is open the door and see what's behind there, and so Rochelle has given us some great information. She's got her books, you can reach out to her, and so for me, you know what I'm going to say Please stay safe, take care of each other Until next time, and remember it's never too late to start your impossible.